


Trip the Light Fantastic

by Thelittlescrimshaw



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben and Rey across a thousand lifetimes, Canon-Compliant, Coffeeshop AU, College AU, F/M, Force Bond, Kylo Ren is a Cosmic Screwup, New Jersey, Reylo - Freeform, Sort of? - Freeform, Soulmates AU, This is gonna be a trip guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:43:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thelittlescrimshaw/pseuds/Thelittlescrimshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Across all lifetimes, all universes, her soul has called out to him. Eventually he'll get it right. Soulmates AU. </p><p>Reylo Soulmates New Jersey Gothic Fic, with adventure elements, Kylo Ren Pain Train, Big Dumb Evil Snoke, and canon-compliancy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For the Longest Time

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trash for these two. I ship them in every way possible, it's so disgusting. 
> 
> Basically what's happening: across all lifetimes, Ben and Rey meet. Sometimes it's good; sometimes it's not. This time, with only memories to go on, they're determined to get it right
> 
> Chapter title taken from the Billy Joel song.

There is something familiar about her warm brown eyes and her tanned, freckled skin. Ben Solo isn’t sure what it is, but he knows that the barista feels it too. And how can she not? The jolt that goes through him, through the both of them, when their hands touch as he hands her his debit card, nearly makes him jump, and he’s convinced – he’s _convinced –_ that it also caused the lights to flicker.

Not the raging July thunderstorm outside, no.

She looks shaken, but nonetheless rings him up. “Sorry about that,” she says. “The squalls make this happen in the summer.”

And that’s what it’s like, living in New Jersey. Ben personally hates this godforsaken state, wishes he could go back to Baltimore or Philadelphia, but if he lives with his Uncle Luke then he gets in-state tuition.

“Yeah,” he says, and his mouth is dry. He takes his debit card back, noting how the girl is careful to keep her hand from brushing against his.

It’s three in the afternoon, far past most people’s normal coffee hour, and the shop is empty except for the two of them. She busies herself making his iced latte and he picks at his nailbeds, unsure how to proceed.

She gives him his drink in a mug. “Sorry,” she says. “I didn’t even ask if you wanted it to go. I just figured…” and she gestured to the storm raging outside.

“It’s fine,” he says, and he tries to smile but he thinks it comes out as a grimace. “I don’t wanna go out there anytime soon, anyway. Too much water for my liking.”

The girl – _Rey,_ her nametag reads – gives a small laugh. “Yeah, well, that’s the East Coast for you.”

“Oh?” he asks, interest piqued. “Grew up somewhere else?”

Rey nods. “I lived in Arizona before moving to Philadelphia. I’m only working here for summers – my grandfather’s retired and spends all his time on the beach.”

“No shit?” he asks. “I grew up in Philly.”

Rey wrinkles her nose, and Ben can’t help but think how _cute_ it is. “That explains your accent.”

Ben gawps at her. “I do _not_ have an accent!”

“Oh please,” Rey says, and her laugh rings throughout the empty shop. “You totally do. You pronounced “water” like _wooder._ ”

“It rolls off the tongue easier,” he quips. “And it’s not nearly as bad as those guys from Long Island.”

“True,” Rey concedes. “Then again, I have no room to talk. I’m staying in America’s _armpit_ for the summer.”

“Finally, something we can agree on,” Ben says, and in the back of his mind he thinks that maybe _this_ is the Solo charm his father was always going on about. “I’m here for the rest of summer, too. I’ll be at Alliance U in the fall.”

Her eyes brighten. “Really? Me, too!”

“Freshman?”

“…is it _that_ obvious?”

Ben grinned. “You’re way too excited to not be. I’ll be a junior. Have your class schedule yet?”

And they continue talking, until the storm clears up and the sun reappears, and the loamy scent of just-after-rainfall enveloped them through the open windows. No other patrons entered the coffee shop at all that day.

“Hey, I have to get going,” Ben said, truly regretful. He _liked_ this girl, but he was already over an hour late and Uncle Luke was going to _kill_ him. He took a napkin and scrawled his number on it. “Text me, and let me know if you’ve got any questions about AU.”

Rey smiles and makes to reach for the napkin, and their fingers brush again and –

Ben’s caught up as the energy in the room takes form, enveloping him. The atmosphere gets so heavy he thinks he might crumble under the weight of it; black spots cloud his vision, and then...

It’s Rey who pulls away first, with a yelp. The light fixture overhead has shattered, glass from the light bulb scattered around the counter.

Ben curses, and looks up. His heart is still racing, blood pounding in his ears. Rey’s calling apologies over her shoulder as she goes in the back, getting a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess.

“That’s so weird,” she mutters, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah,” he agrees, but he doesn’t think they’re talking about the same thing. “Need any help?”

“No, no,” Rey says. “It’s my job, not yours. I’ll have to tell my boss, anyway – I’ll text you tonight?” She looks at him, hazel eyes bright and hopeful.

He smiles. “Sounds good,” he says. “Later, Rey.”

* * *

Later that night, Ben Solo sits in his attic bedroom at his uncle’s shore house, staring at his hand. There’s no change, no physical difference, but he thinks that there should be. He knows it’s impossible, knows that two people touching hands cannot generate enough energy to burst a lightbulb, but…

 _No,_ he tells himself, firmly. He’s always rejected that New-Agey shit that his mother and uncle were into. He was a practical man, like his father. He was a man of _science._

But…

Then again, wasn’t science all about asking questions and looking for answers?

He didn’t even know what to look up, what sort of question to _ask._ He doesn’t know what, but he feels that something inside of him was awakened when he met Rey, when their hands brushed. He wants to chalk it up to hormones, but Ben’s been with women before, and nothing like _this_ has ever happened.

 _Maybe static electricity,_ he thinks, even though he knows it’s impossible, that he was walking with leather soles on a linoleum floor.

The buzzing of his phone jerks him out of his thoughts. It’s a text from an unknown number, with a message that says, _Hey, it’s Rey! How’s your night going?_

And Ben forgets about all the improbabilities and stupid questions, and answers the stupid text, and saves her name in his phone as _Rey <3_.

He asks her what she’s doing, if she wants to meet him on the boardwalk. It might be a little bit forward, but he doesn’t care. He feels like he’s known this girl for years, and he instinctively knows that she feels the same. Ben is very intuitive, just as good at reading people as his mother is, and he _knows_ how girls get when they’re politely deflecting unwanted attention, he’s watched his female friends do it at parties countless times. Rey was doing none of that, was definitely genuine, and her text read, _Sure, meet on Beach St and fourteenth at 10?_

Ben glanced at his clock. It was nine-twenty-two.

 _Sounds good,_ he types, hits send.

He doesn’t bother getting ready-ready – it’s late, and the sea air had a way of undoing any preening you did. He runs a comb through his hair, thinks about tying it back but decides against it. It was getting  long, almost past his shoulders now, but he doesn’t care enough to cut it. He steps into a pair of black jeans, tugs on an old _Nine Inch Nails_ t-shirt that used to be his uncle’s, and throws on a maroon hoodie. The coastal town gets cold at night, and he can already feel the chill in the air through his open window.

He tells his uncle that he’s heading out, and the old man looks genuinely happy for him.

“Have fun, Ben,” he says, his old eyes kind. He looks almost nothing like Ben’s mother, even though they’re twins: Leia is smooth skin and dark hair and eyes, whereas Luke is light hair, light eyes, and weather-worn skin.

“You too, Uncle Luke,” Ben says, and he’s off.

Ben may be twenty, but he feels like a fucking fifteen-year-old going on a first date. He’s excited and jittery and there’s pep to his step, and his palms go sweaty when he sees Rey as he approaches.

She’s wearing a mint-green hoodie and shorts. Her hair is pulled back, and she grins when she sees him.

“Let’s get ice cream,” she says when he’s in earshot. “I need it after the shift I just had.”

“Seemed pretty dead to me,” Ben muses as they walk onto the boardwalk, joining the crowd of tourists and teenagers.

 _“Exactly,”_ Rey said. “It was so _boring._ ”

Ben laughed, then. “Let’s switch. You can work construction all day with my uncle and I’ll man the empty coffee shop.”

“Honestly, I’d rather.”

This instant connection and easy conversation is something that Ben isn’t quite used to, but it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Rey gets her ice cream – rocky road – and coerces him into splitting it with her.

“Seriously, they give you huge scoops. I’m not going to eat it all!”

“I _guess_ I could do you a favor,” he says, and gives a long suffering sigh, but he’s smiling.

He doesn’t know if this is a date – sure, they’re sharing food, but Rey even says, “Sorry, I almost always make people try some of my food. I get it from my grandfather.”

“So he lives here?” they’re on a bench facing the beach, watching as noisy crowds pass. Normally the hubbub of the boardwalk is too much for Ben, but with Rey they’re in their own little world.

Rey nods. “He has a house down here. We used to just stay for the summer, but I think he’s going to live here once I’m off to college. Something about the ocean air being good for his old bones, or whatever.”

Ben nods. “My uncle’s like that. I think he came here to get away – he grew up in the middle of nowhere, and I think the city was too much for him.”

“What are you majoring in?” she asks. “Not to change the subject, I’ve been meaning to ask all day.”

“It’s fine. I’m doing computer science and criminal justice. You?”

Rey scoops ice cream onto her spoon. “Undeclared. I’m thinking physics or engineering.”

Ben gives a low whistle. “Here’s hoping you’re good at math.”

“I’m entering with credits up to calc three, I think I’m good.” She grins, her eyes glinting.

“Well,” Ben says, and there’s not much else to say to that. “That’s actually…very impressive.”

Rey shrugs. “I like math. It makes sense to me.”

By the end of the night, Ben thinks he might be in love with this girl.

“It’s weird,” Rey says, as they’re walking along the beach, sneakers dangling from her fingertips. “I’ve been in this town nearly three months and I haven’t made friends with anyone so quickly as you.”

“Yeah?” Ben asks, heart leaping in his throat.

“Mhmm. Like, I feel like I’ve met you before? I know I haven’t, but…” she shrugs. “Is that weird?”

Ben shakes his head. “No, no. I feel it, too. It’s…” he struggles to find the words, tries to explain how this – whatever it is – between them feel timeless and old and impossibly _good._

“Yeah,” she says, turning to him. And this is almost too perfect and so cliché, two teenagers by the sea. Her skin looks silver in the light of the almost-full moon, and she’s beautiful, really _beautiful,_ and she tilts her head up and Ben leans down, and for one blissful moment, their lips meet and his world is electric.

And then his world is _literally_ electric as a surge of heat lightning splits the sky, and then everything is falling apart, and there’s a weight in his chest that feels like a thousand pounds. There’s an onslaught of memories and visions, drenched in blood and draped in wires, and the only thing he can think or say or remember is her name. _Rey._

When he wakes up, later and across a thousand lifetimes, that will be the name on his lips.

The images come in flashes and fill his head so much he thinks he’ll burst, and then, just as suddenly, they’re gone.

Rey has recoiled. She looks fearful the way a feral cat does, like she’s teetering on the edge of a knife between fleeing and attacking. “What the _fuck_ was that?”

And Ben is lost. “I don’t know. I – I don’t know.”

She looks like she might actually cry; Ben instinctively takes a step forward to put a calming hand on her arm, but she backs away. “Don’t – I – I have to go.”

Ben watches her as she leaves, and feels something deep inside of him call out in agony.


	2. There Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the song "There Is" by Boxcar Racer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this response was overwhelming. Thank you all so much - your words and excitement encouraged me to such a point that I have the next three chapters typed. Talk about a team effort, lol. 
> 
> NOTE: I changed a small detail, making it the month of July instead of August (just to give us some more summer time to play around with.) Nothing major, but worth mentioning.

Rey _remembers_ and oh, does it hurt.

She can barely contain it all. Ben is before her, and the image is ever-shifting: a creature in a mask, hunting her for information she doesn’t know she has; a charming young man, asking her out on a date; a handsome smuggler, in the family business with his father; a prince, a god, a hero, a murderer. He’s pacing around her, watching her as if he’s not sure if she’d predator or prey, tightening the strings of fate until the tension makes them snap.

There’s too many lifetimes, too many memories, too _much_.

She runs away, terrified of the visions of the man before her. She’s not even sure what she says, if she’s coherent or not, but she’s running across the beach, under the boardwalk, back to the small ranch house she shares with her grandfather.

He doesn’t ask her where she’s been, which is probably for the best. Rey had never been good at keeping secrets from him – in this lifetime or others, she thinks snidely.

She shivers under the weight of it all.

“I made you tea,” he says, holding out a mug to her. He’s sitting on their deck, his own mug of tea in hand.

Rey accepts it gratefully. “Thanks.”

Her grandfather smiles at her, eyes unspeakably kind. Rey inwardly winces – there are several lifetimes when he is gone, where she only meets him as a ghost, where he’s killed by Ben’s grandfather. Rey knows that she’s not doomed to repeat, that things vary, that if her grandfather has made it this far then he’ll be around, but still: the weight of the memories frightens her.

She waits for her tea to cool, trying to make sense of it. The information is coming at her, and there are things that she _knows,_ things that she hasn’t known before, like how Ben’s favorite color is purple or how he has a birthmark right over his left hipbone, how he’s a force to be reckoned with when he has a saber –

In her mind flash images: she’s fighting Ben, except he’s going by _Kylo Ren_ and he’s trying to kill her. He has a red plasma blade and he’s swinging it erratically; Rey herself has a blue weapon - and she’s doing what she can to fend him off until a chasm opens between them and she leaves him there, presumably for dead.

Rey’s head hurts. _What’s going on?_

She is not a spiritual person, was not raised religious, and prefers to deal in things that she can touch. But in her gut she knows that there is something between her and Ben Solo, knew it from the moment his hand brushed hers in the coffee shop.

She takes a sip from the tea. It’s warm and tastes of mint and lemongrass, and it calms her.

 _This,_ she thinks, _is something to deal with after a good night’s sleep._

She stands, mug in hand. “I’m off to bed,” she tells her grandfather. “Goodnight.”

“Sleep well, Rey,” he says.

Rey finishes the mug of tea on her way to her bedroom, suddenly, overwhelmingly exhausted. She curls up under the covers, window open to let in the cool ocean breeze.

She falls into a deep sleep, visions of Ben Solo forgotten.

.

.

.

Ben isn’t sure what happened on the beach, but he can’t deny that something really fucking weird is going on with him. With her. Maybe it’s both of them. Maybe it’s not.

His mother always claimed that her family – the Skywalker side of her – had a sixth sense. She called it a second sight. His uncle didn’t have a word for it, but never disagreed with his sister. Weird things happened to the Skywalker twins growing up, prompting the two of them to read tarot cards and burn sage and consult rune stones and do god-knows-what-else to communicate with the universe.

Ben agreed with his father that it was a load of bullshit. He was a man of science, and if he couldn’t touch it, see it, hear it, or see it explained with a mathematical equation, he was skeptical. He was the sort of kid who called out the Santa Clause lie when he realized his household didn’t come with a chimney, and even if it did, grown men couldn’t fit through them.

But now…

There’s no math-ing away what had just happened: the visions were too real, too distinct, too specific to be a dream or a headache. Ben wonders if he’s having a psychotic break – truthfully, that would make the most sense, as his maternal grandfather had a severe case of bipolar disorder, and he was right at the age where symptoms started to surface…

Ben shook his head. No, that couldn’t have been it. If he was having delusions that strong, Rey wouldn’t have had that look on her face. No, she felt it too. Something in his gut told him she did, and that it frightened her, and he knew that’s why she ran away.

Honestly, he doesn’t blame her.

 But that look she’d given him…like she was seeing him for the first time. Like she was _scared_ of him.

Ben wonders what she saw him do.

Whenever he closes his eyes, he can see her: sometimes she’s a queen, sometimes she’s a warrior. She’s always in motion, always laughing, always with _him._ His heart aches at the visions, and he feels himself mourn something he hadn’t known he’d lost.

He’s pacing around the deck. The screen door opens and his uncle ambles out, pale eyes alight.

“Back so soon?” He asks, sitting down in one of the wicker chairs.

“Didn’t go well,” Ben mutters.

“Ah,” Luke says. “So it _was_ a date.”

Ben scowls, but his uncle gestures for him to take a seat in the seat across from him. There’s a small table between them – just big enough for a small laptop and a cup of coffee – and Ben sees him shuffling a deck of cards.

Ben groans. “You know I don’t…”

“Humor me,” Luke says, blue eyes twinkling with mischief and something else, something that Ben cannot name.

He shuffles the cards, gives the deck to Ben to cut. He’s familiar with the motions – gods know his mother has subjected him to tarot readings enough during his lifetime.

Ben takes the cards, and as he cuts the deck, a card falls out. There’s a heart being run through by three swords – _Three of Swords,_ the card reads.

Luke picks it up and _hmmms,_ before setting it aside. “Interesting that this one would fall out. How badly did your date go, again?” There’s humor in the man’s eyes. Ben feels his ire rise up, but stamps it down. He can never be truly mad at his uncle.

“Wasn’t a date,” he grumbles. His uncle doesn’t comment, merely takes the cards that Ben hands to him.

Ben goes through the reading only half-paying attention; his uncle is doing a basic spread, one that Ben has learned long ago that the last four cards are _really_ the only ones that matter. Six of swords, Hermit, the Lovers, the Fool.

“Interesting,” his uncle says. “It would appear that this date isn’t as hopeless as you might think.”

“It wasn’t a _date,_ ” Ben grits, patience wearing thin. He’s under the impression that his uncle knows more than he’s letting on, but right now Ben isn’t in the mood for soul-searching crap. Something really, really weird had happened to him and he wants to put as much distance between then and now.

His uncle looks at him as he gathers his cards and wraps them in a silk scarf. “Of course,” he murmurs. Then, in just as amicable a tone, “We’re doing a roof tomorrow – we’re leaving at six. I want to get to work before it’s too hot.”

Ben nods. His uncle gets up and bids him good night. Ben stays out on the deck. It faces the beach and he can feel the sea breeze. The house is, quite literally, across the street from the entrance to the beach. It’s an old Victorian house, three stories, and had been nearly condemned when his uncle had bought it fifteen years ago. He’d fixed it up, made it livable, and turned it into a Bed and Breakfast. It’s been closed for a few seasons now while his uncle did construction.

Ben secretly thinks that his uncle likes solitude just as much as he does, and that’s why they get along so well.

Eventually he goes inside, into the room on the third floor that he calls his, and falls into a fitful sleep, haunted by visions of lives he doesn’t remember.

.

.

.

Six AM is an awful, awful time, Ben thinks over his coffee. His uncle is already loading up the truck and it takes all of Ben’s willpower not to pour a healthy dose of whiskey into his coffee.

He gets into the passenger seat of the truck and tries not to fall back asleep.

The house they pull up to is a one-story ranch house, four blocks back from the beach. The garden says “residential,” as does the old man waiting for them on the porch. His hair is white and his face is wrinkled, and Ben figures he’s probably a retiree.

“Dr. Kenobi!” Luke greets the old man warmly. Ben squints. That’s a Japanese name if there ever was one, but the old man standing before him is most definitely Caucasian.

Maybe he was adopted, or something.

“This is my nephew, Ben,” Luke says. “Ben, this is Obi-Wan – my old PhD advisor.”

Ah, and there it is, his family’s connection to academia. One he can’t escape even when he’s in the southernmost point of America’s armpit. Luke had been a professor in psychology before retiring early. Ben wasn’t sure what exactly had made Luke reconsider his career, but he suspected it had to do with the accident that had made his nose permanently crooked.

The old man shakes Ben’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ben. Luke tells me you’re at Alliance University?”

Ben nods. “I’m a junior.”

“My granddaughter will be a freshman in the fall,” he says, and Ben’s stomach sinks and he _knows,_ he _knows_ that this is Rey’s grandfather, that this is Rey’s house.

What a fucking coincidence.

“She’s asleep now,” the old man continues with a chuckle. “Rey isn’t much of a morning person.”

He goes on, telling Luke what the problem with the roof is, offers them coffee. Ben accepts, Luke declines, and soon enough he’s got a thermos full of coffee and he’s on the roof, following his uncle’s lead, cursing whatever turn of events that brought him to her _house._

Whatever happened the other night aside, it was definitely weird for him to show up. “Hi, remember me, the guy you went on a pseudo-date with? Yeah, now I’m at your house. By the way, I’m almost entirely sure we had a mutual psychotic break, so that’s a thing.”

Yeah. No.

For the most part he stays on the roof and in the back yard, running materials from the truck to the roof.

At eleven thirty Ben takes the truck to a deli around the corner and picks up sandwiches for himself and his uncle and Obi-Wan. When he returns, his uncle is inside and talking to Obi-Wan at the kitchen table, and there, in shorts and a tank top and eating cereal, is Rey.

Ben swallows.

Obi-Wan sees him approach and beckons him in. “Come on in, Ben! Rey’s finally up.”

Rey doesn’t give any indication that she’d seen him, that last night had happened, and Ben figures it’s for the best. “I’ve got sandwiches,” he says, lamely, and sits down. “Sorry,” he says to Rey. “You were asleep, or I’d have…”

Rey brushes him off with a wave of her hand. “My shift starts soon, anyway.” She doesn’t look fully-awake yet and has dark circles under her eyes. Ben shrugs it off and tucks into his sandwich, hungry after working all morning. Rey excuses herself, leaves to get ready for her shift.

Ben frowns to himself. He knows it’s better – at least in front of his uncle and her grandfather – to pretend they’ve never seen each other. But he can’t _not_ talk about this – maybe he’ll go back to the coffee shop, after he and his uncle are done working, and he’ll try and work out what happened, what’s going on. It’s been niggling in the back of his mind constantly.

In the meantime, he helps his uncle patch the roof. They don’t leave until six that evening, he’s pocketed a sizeable amount of money, and for all intense and purposes, things are looking good.

Except, you know, his dubious sanity.

.

.

.

Kylo Ren stares out of the _Finalizer_ and looks at the stars, the suns and moons and galaxies across the horizon. He knows, somewhere, separated by galaxies and millennia, in the First Age of Aquarius, is Rey – a Rey who remembers him for what he is. A Rey whose soul cries out, searching for him.

The girl who is unconscious in the interrogation chair is no such Rey.

Correction: she _is_ Rey, the Rey he’s stuck with for this iteration. But she’s not the Rey who _remembers,_ the Rey who carries the burden of time. She’s not _his_ Rey.

Kylo Ren heaves a sigh. It’s unfortunate that they’re on opposite sides of the chessboard, this run. But this Rey will feel it, the way her soul years for his. That’s the important part: that her _soul_ is the same. Sometimes it takes the mind longer to catch up to what the soul already knows to be true. Normally, he is patient, but he does not have the freedom for patience this run. He has an agenda.

Kylo Ren can’t remember the last time he’s been with his Rey, the one who remembers. It had been a wondrous reunion, a glorious time. She had recognized him instantly, and he her.

Unfortunately, that iteration had not lasted very long.

Kylo Ren is convinced that there’s something in the universe trying to keep them apart. He’s going to spend this iteration hunting it down, finding it, and eradicating it. Wooing Rey will take second priority to this. He feels guilty – and staying away from her causes a dull pain in his chest – but he’s made himself a thorough monster for the sake of being powerful enough to eliminate whatever is keeping him from his Rey once and for all. He’d spent thirty years alone, plotting and planning, before she’d entered his life, a decade his junior and already burning with an animosity for him.

It pains him to stay away, but it must be done. One iteration apart will be worth eternity together.

This iteration’s Rey wakes up, and he begins his interrogation.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic that I'm genuinely fucking excited for. Like, beyond belief. 
> 
> Let me know if anything's too confusing or left-field. 
> 
> Also, if there's any Rey-Ben-Kylo interactions you'd like to see across iterations, let me know and I'll see what I can do ;)


	3. The Killing Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we have concussions, revelations, and stirrings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. Your response is overwhelming, and it only spurs me on to write more. Ya'll make me wanna make this the best is can be - thank you from the depths of shipper hell :')
> 
> You might've noticed that the I've upped the expected chapter count - get excited! More notes on that at the bottom.

_Deep inside a nebula, a dying god shifts._

_It’s only a consciousness now, a raw force. Its domain is all the universes across all time, from this Big Bang to the next._

_And there is a disturbance. It can sense such things, occurring millennia away._

_For a god so old, any disturbance that reaches to the edges of the universe is a threat._

_And threats will not do._

* * *

Ben is about to leave Obi-Wan’s house when he overhears the old man speaking to his uncle, out on the back deck. Curious, he lingers out of sight by an open window, wondering what they’re talking about.

 “- worried,” Luke is saying, “That you don’t take this predicament as seriously as I.”

“She’s eighteen.” Obi-Wan’s retort is sharp. “Her mind will buckle under all of the memories coming back to her at once.”

“You don’t have faith in her.”  

“Remember what happened the last time she remembered?”

Ben frowns. The last time? Had his uncle known Rey when she was younger?

“You cannot control fate,” says his uncle. “Rey is an old soul, just like you, just like Ben. Eventually they will both keep their memories.”

“Remembering makes them targets,” says Obi-Wan. “You know as well as I.”

Okay, _now_ Ben was officially in What the Fuckville. It sounded like – and he couldn’t believe his uncle was actually suggesting it – there were past lives with him and Rey, and they didn’t always remember. This time – and again, Ben can’t believe he’s thinking it – when he and Rey met, it triggered their memories in some sort of soul-puberty type thing.

Well, it would explain all the visions and sudden information that he knew, why he has memories of Rey dressed in gold silk and bearing all the powers of the sun, why he has memories of dying by her hand, of meeting her clandestinely in a beautiful, green palace garden.

He reels. It’s too much. He’s Ben Solo, twenty-year-old computer science major. He’s not Kylo Ren, he’s not a Jedi – whatever the hell _that_ is – he’s not a prince, he’s not a slave to a blue man. He’s _Ben._

“Last iteration, he tried to _kill_ her.” Obi-Wan sounds defeated. “I’m afraid Ben is unravelling.”

“You’re worried he’ll turn out like Anakin.” Luke’s tone is accusatory.

Obi-Wan remains silent.

Ben wracks his mind for information both old and new. Anakin Skywalker – and Ben finds conflicting information. Tales of his greatness, how he was a hero – tales of his fall, how he turned to the dark side and only redeemed himself to save his son. How he force-choked his pregnant wife. How he saved the Order from Palpatine. How he fell, seduced by the Chancellor’s promises of glory.

In all of them, Anakin is spoken of in the past tense – long dead by the time Ben is born.

Do souls get stuck in ruts, then? Doomed to repeat themselves?

Ben feels his chest get tight; the way Obi-Wan is talking about him makes him seem like he’s terrible person, awful.

Then again, according to them, he tried to kill Rey in one lifetime or another.

_And she you,_ a voice in his head rumbles. _Do not forget. You two are not as inevitable as your uncle would have you think._

Ben doesn’t know where the voice comes from, but it’s incredibly, incredibly old. He shakes it away – regardless, something about him – a him that he can’t even remember – has Rey’s grandfather worried.

The poor girl is already concussed, for chrissake.

It’s too much. He feels like throwing up.

He _needs_ to talk to Rey.

* * *

Ben Solo – her grandfather’s friend’s nephew – enters the coffee shop, greets her with a shy smile, and orders an iced mocha latte. Rey’s behind the counter with Finn, who’s taking stock. Her shift is almost over – Connie just walked in.

“How’d roofing go?” she asks as she takes his credit card. His hand is angled weird, as if he’s trying his best not to touch her.

“Fine,” he said, and god, if that man is stiff. “Nobody fell off, so…”

Rey gives an indulgent smile at that. When she hands him back his credit card, their hands brush, and –

Visions, onslaughts of things she can’t possibly know, flicker through her mind at a breakneck pace. Rey’s head is pounding, her heart is in her throat, and she feels like she can’t breathe.

And she remembers the night on the beach – it had been last night, _literally_ just over twenty-four hours ago. How could she have forgotten?

“You,” she says, or maybe she whispers, and she falls to the floor.

When she wakes up, she’s in the hospital. There’s an IV drip and a heart monitor. Rey barely has time to registered what happened – Ben Solo, that’s what happened – before a nurse is bustling around her.

“Can you tell me your name?” he asks. He has a thin face and orange hair, and smells like mint.

“Rey Kenobi.”

“Do you know what day it is?”

“July thirteenth. What happened?”

“You fell at work. Knocked your head pretty hard.” He takes one of those small cylinder flashlights, flashes it in her eyes. “Mild concussion. From what your coworker told the paramedics, you looked like you were having a heart attack.”

Rey frowns. “Did I?”

He shakes his head. “No. And your resting heart rate is magnificent, by the way. More likely than not it was dehydration, a sunstroke, or a panic attack. Nothing too serious.”

Rey’s mouth goes dry. Panic attack. It would explain – well, nothing, really. None of it could be explained. She knows that, just how she knows that somehow she’d forgotten that she knew.

Ben Solo, she thinks. This all comes down to Ben Solo.

But why? What was so special about the lanky student? Why were there so many versions of him across time and space, and why does Rey feel like she’s known him her whole life? Why is she, deep down, not surprised at any of this?

“Your grandfather is here – he’s going to come in now, okay? He’ll be taking you home shortly.”

The nurse’s words bring her back to reality. “I – okay. Yeah.” The nurse takes the IV out of her arm and takes the heart monitor device off her finger.

All the while, Rey is cursing Ben Solo.

Her grandfather comes in, looking worried with a doctor. “Rey, are you all right?”

Rey nods. “I fell at work and hit my head. They said I’m concussed.” She looks at the doctor, a tall blonde woman, who nods.

“You’re getting two prescriptions: one for nausea and the other for headache pain. Keep yourself rested, but stay awake until you go to bed tonight. No TV, no cell phone, no work for a week.” She rattles off the list, more to her grandfather than her. Rey is grateful that she can sit back and let someone else do the talking.

Her grandfather drives her home. They stop for dinner on the way, and Rey takes her nausea medicine. She’s not feeling much up to eating, but she knows her grandfather is merely trying to keep her awake per the doctor’s instructions.

A makeshift bed has already been made for her on the couch. Rey looks at the clock – ten-twenty – and figures that it’s late enough for her to sleep.

“I’ll have to call work tomorrow,” she murmurs to herself, “Let them know I’m not in.”

“The manager called the ambulance,” her grandfather tells her. He has a mug of tea in hand that he sets on the coffee table next to the couch. “I think he’ll understand when you don’t show up to your shift tomorrow.”

Rey falls asleep the second her head hits the pillow.

* * *

Ben is in the house’s library, hunched over one of Luke’s old books on spirituality and past lives.

_This_ is what it’s come to. He’s acutely ashamed of himself _._ It could be a coincidence, or it could be that something really fucking weird is happening every time they touch – but Rey is _concussed,_ had been taken away by an ambulance that evening. True, it would be easy to simply never see Rey again, to avoid the café she works at and not contact her. Alliance U is big enough to avoid her. But Ben is a man of science, dammit, and as a man of science he is curious.

He also has this excruciating headache, so there’s that.

Luke finds him sitting crossed-legged on the Persian rug, books earmarked all around him. Ben doesn’t notice him until he clears his throat. He’s standing in the doorway looking amused, and Ben feels like a teenager caught with porn.

His mouth is opening and closing, but no sounds are coming out. Luke chuckles, and says, “So you’ve finally cracked, huh?”

“I’m just curious,” Ben grumbles. Even with the Skywalker sixth sense, there’s no way he’s willing to talk about any of this – with Rey, perhaps, but not his uncle. Not yet, and probably not ever. “You and Mom are always going on about it, might as well see if there’s _any_ merit to it.”

Luke sits on one of the comfy armchairs and regards Ben. “Your grandfather had premonitions, you know.”

Ben groans. “I know, Uncle Luke, that’s where you and Mom get it from…”

Luke raises a hand – Ben’s mother does the same thing when she wants him to shut up. “I wasn’t finished. Anakin was sensitive, my boy, maybe too much. He ,would drive himself mad trying to prevent them from occurring. This nearly led to my mother’s death – she was eight months pregnant with your mother and me. Anakin needed to learn how to control his clairvoyance, to set fear aside and see truth.”

Ben feels like a small child, sitting at his uncle’s feet and listening to family history. He fails to see how it’s relevant. “Anakin Skywalker was bipolar and a drunk before they had lithium.”

Ben feels the need to point this out. He doesn’t say that his grandmother’s almost-death was probably because Anakin was in a manic episode – he’d said that one Father’s Day when the family was visiting Anakin’s grave. It didn’t go over too well with any of the adults.

“True,” Luke says, “But that’s not the takeaway. My father let his fear consume him, in regards to his…senses. I would not like to see the same happen to you.”

Ben scowls. “I’m not _afraid._ ”

“You’re not calm, either.”

“Do you have a point to make?”

Luke shrugs. “It’s not every day you decide to delve into my personal library.”

Ben can feel himself about to burst. Why _would_ he be calm? There’s nothing to be _calm_ about. HE has every goddamn right to flip shit, and goddammit, if there’s one thing Skywalkers do, it’s flip shit.

But this is his uncle – his kind, gentle uncle – so Ben simply get up and leaves. “I’m done here,” he mutters, and goes for a walk.

* * *

Rey dreams.

She doesn’t know where she is, but it’s _gorgeous._ She’s out on a balcony overlooking a gorgeous garden. In the distance are trees, and the setting sun (or is it rising?) has painted the sky orange. She’s wearing a thin blue nightgown – perhaps, then, it is dawn.

Footsteps behind her; strong arms encircle her. Instead of being frightened or even surprised, she is relaxed. She leans back, her head being tucked under his chin. He smells familiar, like pine and sandalwood and _home._

He presses a kiss to the crown of her head. “Remember this? We used to watch sunrises on Naboo all the time.”

“Before the war,” she says, and turns, wrapping her arms around him. She rest her head on his chest and squeezes.

When she looks up, she’s looking into the face of Ben Solo. His hair is longer, pulled back into a low ponytail, and he’s definitely older than twenty, but the dark eyes and friendly smile are all _him._ He leans down and kisses her, and her body sings from the feel of him. His hand comes up to cup her face, runs through her hair, settles on the back of her neck.

“It’s you,” he murmurs after breaking the kiss, touching his forehead to hers. “You _remember._ ” He sounds reverent, in awe, and he whispers her name like a prayer. _“Rey.”_

He’s kissing her everywhere from her chin to her forehead, lifting her up and spinning, and _laughing,_ of all things. “It’s you, oh _Rey,_ it’s you!”

And it’s unbridled joy on his face; Rey feels it too, bubbling in her chest, because she _does,_ and it’s not like the visions she’d had this is different, this is wonderful.

She knows that they are one, born from the same dying star, made of the same matter. She knows that they are inevitable, old souls so deeply entwined that it would take a thousand supernovae to tear them apart. Across a thousand lifetimes, beyond the universe, their souls will call out to each other, waiting to be whole.

His hand comes up, a thumb dragging across her cheek. He’s gentle, ever-so-gentle, and he looks desperate, as if he’s expecting her to up and disappear. “You remember? Do you – know? Everything?”

And Rey does. “Yes, yes, oh _god Ben,_ it’s been so long – “

He sweeps her into his arms again and cages her to his chest, and Rey thinks her heart may burst from being too happy.

She pulls away to look at his face. He’s a bit older, perhaps in his thirties, and there’s a scar on the right side of his face. But he’s _Ben_. She brushes his hair out of his face and, standing on tiptoe, plants a kiss onto his mouth

“It’s you,” she murmurs. “And it’s me. But it – it’s not always, is it?”

Ben shakes his head. “I’m finding out why, Rey. This iteration. I’m going to find out what’s keeping us apart, what force in the universe can be greater than ours.” He reaches down and clasps her hands between his, brings them up to plant a kiss on her knuckles. “When I do, I’ll find you.”

Rey’s heart thrums in her chest and her eyes prick with tears. It is a strange world, the land of dreams, and it’s serendipitous that they can meet here. She knows he cannot come back with her, knows that when she wakes Ben Solo will have no recollection of this. “Stay,” she pleads. “I only just remembered you, and…”

And he looks immensely sad, her Ben. “Things are changing,” he murmurs. “You don’t remember, in my iteration. I doubt I do in yours.”

“We messed up,” Rey murmurs, half to herself. The memory is there, just out of reach and blurred around the edges. “I – I don’t know exactly, but…”

He’s shaking his head. “ _I_ messed up, Rey. Don’t shoulder my blame. I – I’m going to fix it. I promise.”

“How do I help?” Rey says, and then, with a small smile, “I’m always cleaning up your messes, aren’t I?”

The smile Ben gives her is heartbreaking. “You’re more than I deserve, Rey. Dream often. Be ready for me, and don’t forget.”

Rey nods. She draws comfort from his embrace, feels at him in his arms. She leans up and kisses him again, and he kisses her. Rey drags her teeth over his bottom lip and he sighs.

“I love you,” he says, and Rey is sure that her heart burst. He kisses her again, clutching her to him. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He kisses her forehead, her nose, her lips.

“And I love you,” Rey whispers. “Please, don’t forget it.”

Ben’s dark eyes are deep and sad and hopeful, and he nods.  

When Rey wakes up, her cheeks are wet with tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the plot thickens. I've upped the chapter count - this is gonna be at least 40k words, maybe more. And I think I'm going to need a beta (is it poor etiquette to ask for one on here? WELP here I am, doing the thing anyway.) I've got most of the plot hashed out, but I want to get this /right/. So ah, yeah. If anyone's interested, you can drop me a message on my [tumblr](www.littlemanicmonday.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please let me know if you like the direction it's going in! Many of you seemed surprised at the turn that chapter 2 took, so I have my fingers crossed that this doesn't disappoint!


	4. The Hand That Feeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter beta'd by the lovely [KagamiSorciere](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/pseuds/KagamiSorciere)
> 
> Title taken from the Nine Inch Nails song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement <3 I'm so excited for this!

_ We were born in a dying star, soul-matter resonating within the echoing chambers of our iron cage. We are one and the same- pure, precious, perfect, and then...  _

_ The supernova drives us apart, creating, for the first time, a distinction between “You” and “I.” First I feel incomplete, shattered, and wrong. But then I realize that for the first time, I can look at you.  _

_ And you are magnificent to behold.  _

_ I will never forget that first memory, seeing you in your celestial glory. It is a few short moments, because the fabric of the universe is re-forming, shifting, and you are pulled in one direction and I in the other.  _

_ When we meet, we do not recognize each other. Not at first. But we are masters of a strange Force, and, forged in fire and bound by blood, we resonate with each other.  _

_ And we remember. Our reunion is vitriolic, but ultimately blissful. We are happy.  _

_ When next we meet, we are gods. And we know, we remember where we came from. It is a simple reunion, joyous in a quiet way. We live in this Golden Age, manifesting and re-manifesting, until it comes to a close and again, we are tasked with finding each other.  _

_ The first dozen times, I am nervous. I know you are too, but you are much better at hiding it.  _

_ Over time– if such a concept can even exist for you and I– I relax. Parting is no easier, but I know I will find you. I always do. You resonate within me, and I within you.  _

_ Even when you are ripped from me– brutally and too soon– I can sense your soul calling out to mine. I vow to find you, just as I know you vow to find me. There is no power in the universe greater than ours. Your soul cries out for mine. It is a bone-deep ache that I can feel across universes and millennia. I will annihilate whatever is keeping me from finding you.  _

_ And I will find you. _

_ And we will be whole again.  _

* * *

Rey spends the next three days lying down and meditating and doing light stretches, trying not to think of the dream she’d had. She doesn’t know what to do about it– what had been so easy to accept in the dream was much, much harder to process in reality. 

So far, over her three days of mandatory rest, what she’d concluded was that: 

  1. something weird had happened between her and Ben Solo on the beach
  2. Somehow, she’d forgotten about that until her concussion? 
  3. Her concussion was no doubt caused by whatever weird memories Ben Solo brought out in her
  4. Apparently, somehow, magically, hers was an old soul, as was Ben’s, but for some reason he didn’t remember as much as she did



None of it made sense. Everything had seemed so lucid in her dream, but this? 

She was eighteen.  There was no freaking way that she was a reincarnated version of herself. 

Nope. No way. Not a chance. 

But still, she couldn’t disregard the dream. What she had felt– it’d felt  _ right, _ like  _ home, _ down to her very bones. Something inside of her ached with longing, and it was enough to bring tears to her eyes. 

When her grandfather gave her the option to deliver a check to Luke’s house- payment for the roof job– Rey snatched at it, grateful for the distraction. It was the third day of her recovery and she was getting  _ bored. _ A short walk- with sunglasses, of course- would do her good. 

“No running,” her grandfather warned. “If you’re not back in thirty minutes, I’m assuming the worst.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Rey insisted. She took the envelope, put it in her purse, and was off. 

The walk is a nice change of scenery. Rey doesn’t even care about the heat and humidity, she is just grateful to be outside and doing something and  _ not _ thinking about Ben Solo. 

Even if she is, you know, about to enter his uncle’s house _.  _

Rey refuses to let it phase her. Whoever had shown up in her dream might be some sort of  _ version _ of Ben, but it most definitely wasn’t Luke’s gangly nephew. 

She steels herself, and knocks on the door. Luke lives in a huge Victorian house across the street from the beach, with a wrap-around porch and a rooftop deck. 

Luke greets her warmly. “Rey, come in. I heard about your accident– are you okay?” 

“Just a concussion,” Rey tells him. “My grandpop finally gave me the clear to go outside by myself.” She hands Luke the envelope. “He said this is for you.” 

“Of course,” Luke says, taking it. “Come in, sit and rest a minute before you go back out again. Your grandfather told me you’re attending Alliance University in the fall. I know the departments well, and have some things for you.” 

Rey is taken aback, but she smiles. “Alright.” 

Luke leads her into the house and Ben is strangely absent. Rey doesn’t question it. He gestures for her to sit on a wicker chair and she does, looking at the framed pictures on the table next to it. 

There’s a picture of a young woman. She’s gorgeous, with a smile brighter than the sun. Her hair falls around her shoulders in thick waves, her dark eyes are warm. 

“My mother,” Luke says. He stands next to Rey, looking at the photos on the table. “She looks more like my sister. Ben has her eyes.”

“She died this time,” Rey finds herself saying before she can stop herself. “In childbirth.” 

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, Rey tries to pull them back in. She shouldn’t know that– neither Luke nor Ben has shared that information with her, and on top of that it’s incredibly rude 

But Luke is concerned with neither manners nor her knowledge. His usual controlled, gentle mannerism are gone when his head whips up to look at her, his mouth agape. 

“You remember.”

Rey desperately tries to backtrack. “I– no, no, that’s not– “

But Luke is hugging her. “Oh, this is wonderful. I thought– Obi-Wan had said you didn’t but– you do.”

“I don’t,” Rey insists, pushing the old man away. “I don’t know– I  _ shouldn’t  _ know that. Any of that.” 

Luke’s smile is kind. “We were more worried when you didn’t know, Rey.” 

Rey swallows. She and Luke share a long look, and Rey can see it in his eyes– they’re impossibly old, and kind, and  _ knowing. _

“Does Ben know?” she asked at length. 

Luke shakes his head. “My nephew doesn’t. We didn’t think either of you did.”

Rey bites her lip. “What happens now?” 

“Now,” Luke says, and clasps her on the shoulder. “We have a  _ lot _ of catching up to do.” 

* * *

It is early autumn, 1992. Ben and Rey are in his Pontiac, driving with the windows down. She wears a flannel shirt, her nails coated in chipped black nail polish and hair in thick, short waves. They are in love, this iteration. Well, he supposes that they’re always in love, whether they act on it or not. They are from the same soul-stuff, after all. 

He pulls into a state park and they exit the car, Rey with her camera in tow. 

“Remember the times we were in space?” he asks, slinging an arm around her shoulders. They are young, this time, and painfully  _ mortal. _

Rey  _ hmmms. _ “With the Jedi, you mean? Where we found each other?” 

Ben wrinkles his nose. He was never fond of the Jedi, though Rey took to the Order like a duck to water. “Yes, that one.” 

“What about it?” 

Ben pauses; he’s afraid to put his theory into words, but this is  _ Rey. _ She’ll know, sooner or later. “I think we’re remembering less and less each time. I think the cycle is changing.” 

“Everyone goes through the cycle,” Rey says. She takes a step back so she can look at him. She’s taken to the fashion of the time: her eyes are rimmed with dark liner, her lips painted a deep red. “We’re just a little different. Most don’t remember at  _ all. _ ” 

Ah, and  _ there  _ it was. Rey was quick to chalk up any anomalies to them being  _ different. _ Every soul was born from a star, but they– they were  _ twin souls, _ split apart at their conception and spat out into the universe, reunited in a lifetime where they forged an unbreakable bond. 

But Ben suspects that there’s more at work.

“But what happens after? When we cycle through?” 

“Ben, there’s no use worrying about it.” 

But Ben cannot stop. “I– every lifetime is different,” he says, lamely. “But we began as  _ gods. _ Why are we working our way  _ down? _ ” 

“To learn humility,” Rey says with a small smile, tapping a finger to his nose. “But what does this have to do with us being in space? And the Jedi?” 

“That was where we forged our connection. That’s why we remember. What if it’s  _ broken? _ ” 

Rey shrugs. She sits on a bench and curls up to him when he takes a seat. “Well, yes,” she muses. “That was an interesting one. Due to...what was it called? A disturbance in the Force? Might be why things are becoming different.” 

Ben nods. “I think so, yeah.” 

Rey smiles up at him. “It gave us your parents, and Luke. It’s why they follow us on our journey. You want to try and go back, don’t you?” 

And he sighs– of course Rey picked up on that. “Don’t change the subject, Rey. I’m  _ worried. _ This- it’s so mundane, and I feel like I’m remembering less and less each time” 

She sits up and kisses him, and Ben will never tire of the feel of her lips on his. “Maybe,” she says against his mouth. “But we’re unique in all the word, Ben. How mundane can we be?” 

“That’s not  _ the point, _ Rey.” 

Rey sighs. “I know it’s not, Ben. But things are going to be different each time. I’m trying to just - to just go with it, you know?” 

“I know,” Ben murmurs. He decides to drop it, for now. Rey is awfully consistent, each cycle around, and always winds up finding her niche. 

Ben, on the other hand…

He’s never felt quite at home as he had when holding a lightsaber and piloting among the stars. He’s thoroughly  _ tired _ of cycling through.  

“We can go back,” Rey says, turning to him with a smile. “I’m sure we’ll find a way.” 

Ben’s heart swells. He takes her hand and squeezes it, and wonders what he could’ve done to ever deserve someone like Rey. He’ll do anything to make sure they’re together, that she’s happy, that  _ they’re _ happy. 

The thoughts hover in the back of his mind, but he pushes them away. The universe can wait - now, he has a date with Rey.

* * *

_ It was his folly, his fault, his own hubris that led them down this path. Ben Solo would kill himself, if there was any part left of him to kill. He could scream, and kick, and curse at his own sheer stupidity that left him alone in the universe, separated from his Rey, his soul, his  _ personhood.  _ He wishes he’d never tried that ritual, wishes he could take it all back – he doesn’t care if he’s a slave or if he’s a god, as long as he has  _ Rey.  _ A part of him has been ripped apart, shredded and torn to bits, and he wants to scream out in agony but he  _ can’t. 

_ Deep in the core of space-time, there is an ominous chuckle, and the barest hint of a thought:  _

_ Pride cometh before the fall.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really super nervous about this chapter - it's adding the more metaphysical dimension to the story, and I'm wondering if you guys are liking that. More plot-heavy, feels-heavy things are to come, I promise.


	5. Bulletproof Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get a glimpse into Rey and Ben's first meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell any other readers, but you guys are the best and I love you the most <3 
> 
> Chapter beta'd by the lovely [KagamiSorciere](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/pseuds/KagamiSorciere)
> 
> Chapter title taken from the My Chemical Romance song.

Rey is with Luke in his library, sitting in one of the plush arm chairs. Luke is pacing around the library, plucking books from the shelves and stacking them on the small side table to Rey’s left. 

“Oh, this is marvelous,” Luke is saying. He’s practically radiating with excitement. “I’m sure you have questions, but  _ Rey,” _ and he turns and positively  _ beams _ at her, “It’s nice to finally see you.” 

* * *

Several lifetimes ago, the first time Rey meets Ben Solo, he’s a Jedi Knight. There’s something about him that’s familiar, but she can’t quite place it. His eyes, and the way he runs his hand through his hair when he’s frustrated (which, admittedly, is most of the time).

Rey is a padawan and lucky enough to be training under Master Luke himself. Rey didn’t know if it was out of pity– she was older than most of the other padawans,  far behind in her training, and an orphan to boot– but she’d always felt a sort of camaraderie with the old Master. He’d been an orphan, too, and grew up on a desert planet. 

It is during one particularly difficult session– meditating, Rey’s  _ always _ been bad at meditating– when she gives a growl of frustration and glares at the massive stone she’d been trying to levitate. She digs her hands into tufts of grass and uproots them, taking her frustration out on the earth beneath her. 

Luke watches passively from his sitting position across from her. It’s a gorgeous day: the sun is warm and the breeze is cool, and there’s so much  _ green _ and  _ life. _ It’s a stark comparison from her days on Jakku.  _ Ten years… _

Ten years, she’d been on that planet. Ten years before Luke Skywalker and his nephew found her at the outpost and offered her a better life. She’d been reluctant - she’d been downright  _ nasty _ to them - but they’d given her a week to reconsider. 

Maybe it was fate that that week had been the worst in any of Rey’s living memory, but when they returned ( _ just as they said they would, they came back for her) _ she’d been waiting and ready. 

That had been a year ago. Now, at sixteen, Rey had the least amount of training time of all the Jedi on Yavin 4. She could hold her own, but her grasp on the Force was tenuous. 

“Am I too old?” Rey asks him. It had been a fear she’d been mulling over for some time now. “I’m five years older than all of the other padawans. Ilka told me that it’s harder to train older Jedi, that’s why the younglings are recruited so….young.” 

“I began my training when I was older than you,” Luke tells her. His voice is neutral but his eyes are unspeakably gentle. “If I had thought you were too old to train, I would not have taken you as my apprentice.” 

Rey swallows past the lump in her throat. “I didn’t mean to insult your judgement, Master.” 

Luke holds up a hand. “I understand why you have doubts, Rey. You are different than many other padawans, yes? But you should not see that as a deterrent. Ben Solo began his training late, and he is an excellent Force user.” 

Rey nods. She’s not convinced, not truly– Ben has war heroes for parents and the blood of legends flowing through his veins. She’s just a nobody orphan from Jakku, so unremarkable that even her parents didn’t think she was worth coming back for. 

“Rey,” Luke says, bringing her out of her thoughts. “You must let go of these doubts if you are to master the Force. You  _ can _ do it. You have to  _ believe _ you can do it.” 

Rey nods. “Yes, Master.”

“Now, try again…” 

Rey makes progress, but just barely. The next day she wakes up at first light, eats breakfast in the mess hall with Sasha and Laila, and meets Luke at their usual training spot. Standing behind her master, lurking like a shadow, is Ben Solo. 

Rey doesn’t know much about Ben, other than he’s a sort of prodigy and is often off-world. He’s tall, quiet, and doesn’t interact with the padawans or younglings. 

“Master Luke,” she greets, with a dip of her head. “Master Ben.” 

“Good morning, Rey,” Luke says warmly. “In light of your difficulties harnessing the Force, I’m going to have you train with my nephew this morning. I will be overseeing the younglings’ meditation session this morning and will check in with you before lunchtime.” 

Rey’s a bit confused, but she doesn’t argue with her Master. “Yes, Master Luke.” 

Luke ambles away. Rey blinks at Ben, who has remained silent. She waits for him to speak. He’s regarding her, as if sizing her up. Rey’s no longer the malnourished fifteen-year-old she was when Luke found her on Jakku, but she’s still small for her age – especially compared to Ben, whose massive, looming form suddenly makes Rey very glad she’s not doing combat training with him. 

“We will start with awareness,” Ben says. “Remain standing, and close your eyes. Feel the Force around you.” 

Rey does just that. She steadies her breathing, feeling the ebb and pull of the Force. She can feel Ben, standing a few feet in front of her. He’s walking around her now, and then suddenly– 

He’s gone. Rey frowns, makes to open her eyes, but no sooner had the thought crossed her mind than Ben barked, “Eyes shut. Use the Force to find me.” 

Rey gropes around. They’re in one of the training fields; Rey can feel padawans and Masters all around her, the life in the grass beneath her feet, feels a passing bird; she’s groping around with the Force, when suddenly – 

She feels Ben, but it’s two-dimensional, flat. He’s concealing himself. Rey frowns in concentration, trying to pinpoint exactly where he is. 

“You’re standing a foot behind me, slightly to my right,” Rey says at last. 

Ben’s shields drop. “Good. Now do it again, but faster.” 

They continue like that for half an hour, until Rey’s familiar enough with him to pinpoint his position in a matter of seconds. She is fully aware of everything within a six-foot-radius, which isn’t much, but – 

She just barely senses the rock that came flying at her head. Rey ducks, dodging it, and opens her eyes to glare at Ben. “What was that for?” 

He doesn’t answer, just waves his hand and sends a much more sizeable rock her way. 

Rey’s moving on instinct; she flinches, using her arms to block, bracing for impact. When she feels none she looks up, and is pleasantly surprised to see that the rock is frozen in place before her, levitating inches away from her hands. 

Ben is smirking. “Sometimes you need a bit of a push. My methods aren’t necessarily traditional, but,” he shrugs. “They work. Now, I want you to guide this rock in a circle around you. Don’t give me that look, you  _ can _ and you  _ will. _ ” 

Rey spared him one more baleful look but did as he instructed. Her arms began to strain – the rock was heavy, and keeping it in place was beginning to wear on her. Finally, her arms collapsed under the weight of it, and the rock went crashing down. 

Ben frowns. “Why did you drop it?” 

“It’s  _ heavy!” _

“You’re thinking too literally about this. You don’t use the Force to  _ lift _ the rock yourself, but to tell the rock where to go.” 

“The  _ rock _ isn’t sentient, how can it take instructions?” 

Rey knows that she’s technically back-talking a Master, but she can’t bring herself to care; Ben sent a massive stone flying at her face. She’s allowed to be a little skeptical of his methods. 

“Sit,” he grumbles. She does as told, and he lowers himself to the ground across from her, crossing his gangly legs. “Lower your mental barriers. I’m going to guide you through this. You think too literally, so it’s easier to show you.” 

Rey closes her eyes and steadies her breathing, allows her mental shields to relax. She can feel Ben’s Force signature, can feel his presence not three feet in front of her. 

When his consciousness grazes against hers, there’s a starburst in her mind’s eye, and she  _ knows. _ And, faced with this  _ knowing, _ she recoils. 

Her eyes fly open, and Ben has a look of utter shock on his face. 

This lasts all of two seconds– which is a full minute, in Jedi-expressing-emotion-time– before Ben clears his throat. “So, use the Force to  _ feel _ the rock and make the rock do all the work, okay?” 

It’s weak, a blind grasp at recovering from whatever had just happened, and Rey was all too glad to take it.

By the time lunch had come, both she and Ben were all too happy to be rid of each other’s presence. 

* * *

_ Three years later… _

Rey is a full-fledged Jedi Knight now, and she’s being sent on an important mission with none other than Han Solo himself. Han’s going to be smuggling cargo– khyber crystals to be precise (the rise of the First Order has been making them increasingly rare) from the Outer Rim to Yavin 4. Rey’s excited, more than excited– Han was a legend, an ornery and a terrific pilot, and she was going to  _ meet him in person. _

Ben Solo– Han’s son– is also accompanying them. Rey hadn’t really spoken to Ben, other than the necessary formalities, since that incident during her padawan days. 

She was okay with that. He was often moody and snappish, and nothing at all like his kind, patient uncle. 

She brings her saber and a small bag with her, and as she approaches the ship she can’t help but stare. This was the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than fourteen parsecs, thanks to Han freaking Solo, her boss for the next few days. He was a sort of legend on Jakku– smugglers and pirates were what scavengers dreamed they could one day be, if they’d ever managed to put together a ship. 

Rey pushes the memories out of her mind. She doesn’t need them today. 

As she approaches, the Wookie gives a greeting and ushers her onto the ship. Rey smiles, asks how his day was going. She understands a bit of Shyriiwook– growing up at a trading outpost had its perks, she supposes. Like being able to have more than a one-sided conversation with a Wookie. 

“So this is our bodyguard,” Han says as she boards, Chewbacca in tow. He appraises her, then grunts. “You’ll do. Han Solo.” 

“Rey,” Rey says, concealing her excitement at being inside  _ the Millennium Falcon. _

“Hopefully my brother-in-law hasn’t trained all the sense out of you,” Han says gruffly. 

“You’ll sit over there– “ he gestures vaguely in one direction. “Chewie and I will be in the cockpit. Ben’s coming with us. If he’s surly at you, remind him that he was conceived,” and Rey has no idea how he managed to keep a straight face, “on this ship.” 

Rey splutters, laughing, but her laughter is curtly interrupted when she see Ben Solo appear behind his father. For a split second, he looks mortified– then he goes back to scowling. 

Han turns around, following her eyes. “Look who decided to show up,” he grouses. “I assume you all know each other. Now let’s get going.”

For the most part, the trip is uneventful. Rey stares out at the suns and moons and star systems passing them by – she’ll never get over how beautiful deep space is. 

They land on the planet. It reminds Rey of Jakku, if Jakku were more of a canyon and less of a desert. There’s rocks everywhere, deep gulleys, huge abandoned quarries. 

“We’re lucky we found this before the First Order did,” Ben says to no one in particular. “The crystals here could make sabers for generations.” 

“Well,” Han says gruffly, “That’s why we’re hauling as many out of here as possible. Ben, come with me. Chewie, Rey, be ready to help.” 

Rey wants to protest– she’d like to get in on the fun– but she knows better than to fight the order. 

Besides. She’d much rather be with Chewie than Ben. 

* * *

Ben should’ve figured that he was a Skywalker, and a Solo, and nothing went easy for  _ either _ of those families. 

He’s reminded of that reality  _ particularly _ hard when his father’s informant– a fucking  _ Hutt  _ (and you’d think Han Solo would’ve learned his lesson on dealing with Hutts, but apparently his dad’s skull is thicker than his) and it goes south. 

Really, really, south. 

Apparently, Ben Skywalker-Organa-Solo would fetch a high ransom with the First Order. 

Apparently, someone there wanted something to do with him.

Apparently, the gangsters who ran the quarry didn’t put two and two together and realize  _ why  _ someone in the First Order would want something to do with him.  _ (Ben Solo was a powerful Jedi and did not shy away from violence. Some said the Dark Side was too strong in him. Others - like his father - said he was smart). _

It was one-sided at first. 

Then the Stormtroopers showed up. 

So now,  using the Force to lug three crates filled with kyber crystals, Ben and his father are making a break for it back to the  _ Falcon, _ ‘Troopers not far behind them _. _ Han had comm’d for Chewie and Rey; Ben feels the blaster bolt soar through the air and land into the chest of one of their pursuers before they’re even in sight. 

Once the  _ Falcon _ is ahead of them, Ben whirls around, saber at the ready; Rey is right behind him. Chewie and Han have the crate of crystals and are loading them, preparing the ship for takeoff.

Fifty yards away, a large,  _ Upsilon- _ class ship is landing. It’s sleek, black, and whatever is in it is incredibly old and very,  _ very, _ strong in the dark side. Ben can feel it brushing against his consciousness, causing a  _ searing pain _ behind his eyes…

The next five minutes are a blur; Rey is deflecting bolts, slashing through Stormtroopers, whipping the Force around her and using it to deflect all opponents. Chewie is firing bolts, ones that she’s careful to avoid. Ben’s mostly covering Rey’s blind spots; the two are back-to-back. 

The old, Dark,  _ thing _ is back, trying to worm its way into Ben’s mind. It causes him to falter – Rey just barely reacts in time to deflect the blast that was aiming right for Ben’s face. 

Ben snarls and reels in whatever it is that’s pressing against his mind; he gathers it, tightens his grip on it, and in one mighty  _ push _ he launches it into the world around him. 

The blast is enough to level all of the Troopers; Ben grabs Rey by the waist to steady her against it. The girl barely has time to right herself before Ben’s dragging her toward the  _ Falcon. _

He scrambles up the ramp, yelling at his father to  _ fucking move _ , and doesn’t relax until they’ve made the jump into hyperspace. 

* * *

Rey watches Ben from a safe distance away. 

Truth be told, she’s  _ scared. _ She’s not sure if she’s scared  _ of _ him or  _ for _ him, but the worry, the fear, is there. Whatever he’d just done– blasting away the Stormtroopers– was a nifty trick, sure. But Rey had felt it, had been right at the epicenter of the blast. 

And it was  _ dark. _

She’d never felt a dark-sider before, but she knew, deep in the marrow of her bones, that whatever energy Ben had used was beyond dark. It was  _ evil. _

She wasn’t sure if Ben had noticed the ring of dead grass left in the wake of it all. 

Rey’s sitting on a bench, picking at her nails, wondering how to go about this situation. Ben is her senior, but she was no longer a padawan; she could voice her concerns to Luke– surely, her former Master would listen and do what he thought best. She doesn’t want to put Ben on the spot, no, but…

Rey shivers just thinking about how it felt, to have something so malevolent wash over her. 

“Rey.” 

Her name sounds odd on his tongue, like it doesn’t quite belong there. Rey looks up at Ben and asks, “Yes?” 

“Mind if I sit?” 

Rey makes a gesture and shifts, offering him room on the bench. He sits ramrod straight, shoulders squared. “I would like to meditate. There was something…old, back there. Did you feel it?” 

Rey scrapes her teeth along the inside of her lip, wondering how she should answer. 

She answers him with a question: “You mean when you blew the Stormtroopers away with only the Force?” 

He clears his throat. “That, and in general.” 

“I didn’t feel anything until you did that. It was…” Rey trails off, unsure of how to respond. She doesn’t want to accuse Ben of leaning towards the Dark side– not with his family history. But she cannot,  _ will not _ , pretend that whatever had transpired was something she was okay with. 

“It was scary, Ben. I wouldn’t repeat it.” 

“There was something on the planet,” Ben murmurs. “In the Upsilon ship. Something very old and very dark. It was trying to worm its way into my mind.” 

Rey bites her lip. “We have to tell Luke.” 

Ben nods grimly. What he asks next takes Rey by surprise. “Can we meditate?” 

It isn’t an unusual request. Jedi would often meditate together, at the Academy. It was a way of relaxing, to feel another’s Force signature fall in tune with your own. 

“It brushed against my mind,” Ben continues, “And I would like to rid myself of it.” 

“Of course,” Rey says. She and Ben might not be close enough to casually meditate together, but she is not about to let a fellow Knight suffer. If what he was saying is true, that the evil Rey had felt had actually _ touched Ben’s mind, _ she wasn’t about to let him suffer through that alone. 

Ben looks relieved. “Thank you.” 

He draws his overlong legs up into a lotus position and faces her on the bench; Rey follows suit. Rey lowers the forefront of her mental barriers as their breathing syncs, lets tiny tendrils of her consciousness branch out, waiting for his. 

She feels his Force signature around her, can sense the residual darkness, can sense the fear, the anxiety. She allows her own inner calm to be a beacon; his consciousness is swirling around hers, mingling, and then – 

_ She knows. _ Suddenly, she’s brought back to three years ago, the first time she’d ever meditated with Ben Solo, and she  _ knows, _ and she understands that which she’d been unable to at seventeen. 

Ben Solo is part of her, and she is part of him– she knows this as fiercely as she knows anything. He does, too– she can feel it resonating inside of him. They’ve been looking for each other this entire time, and for the first time since she can remember, Rey feels as if she’s  _ home. _

Her eyes fly open. The sensation has not abated. She does not want to withdraw, and neither does Ben. He’s looking at her with wide, hopeful eyes; he has a hand halfway extended between them, as if making to cup her face. 

She watches the muscles in his throat work as he swallows. “It  _ is _ you,” he rasps. 

“What was that?” Rey asks, voice scarcely above a whisper. She’s afraid. Some deep part of her knows but she fears giving life to those thoughts. They’re not Jedi thoughts- they’re not  _ human _ thoughts, not really. “Is that –  _ normal?” _

“Don’t be afraid,” he says. “I feel it, too.” 

It is Rey who closes the distance between them, touching her hand to his. His palm is dry, his fingers long and elegant as they entwine with hers. “We were born from the same star,” he says, almost reverently. “At The Beginning.” 

“That’s impossible,” Rey counters, but there’s no real vigor behind it. “The particles in the universe are recycled, stars die all the time. For us to – the coincidence – it’s  _ impossible. _ ”

“Improbable,” he corrects. “Search your feelings. You know it’s true.” 

Rey nearly snorts – that’s such a  _ Skywalker _ thing to say. “Feelings aren’t facts, Ben.” 

“Pull away, then,” he challenges. “Go ahead.” 

And Rey does– or she tries to. Her consciousness, her mind, peels away easily from his. Their Force signatures are intertwined, but come apart with some coaxing. But there is something else, something underneath it all, something she dares not name, that refuses to separate itself from Ben. Some cultures would call it a soul; others might call it a gut, or the heart. Rey doesn’t know what to call it. 

She just knows that it’s been melded to his. 

The two of them are jolted back to reality when the  _ Falcon _ lands. Ben withdraws his hand and Rey springs up, standing just in time to see Han as he saunters up to them. 

“Alright, you two,” he says, “Just what in the damned stars  _ happened _ back there?” 

“That was the First Order,” Ben tells his father. He doesn’t bother standing. “The former New Republic party.” 

Han groans. “Politics and the Force. Can’t seem to escape them.” He turns, and makes a gesture to Chewie. “Unload the crates with Chewie. These crystals had better be worth it. And tell your uncle he owes me, big time.” 

Ben does as he’s told, offering a glance back at Rey as he follows the Wookie to retrieve the crates. 

It’s just Rey and Han; Rey knows she can leave, that technically the job is over and Han is no longer her superior, but she feels that she must be dismissed first. 

“All right?” he asks gruffly. “Ben looks like he’d seen a ghost.”

Rey isn’t sure how to respond. “Things got…messy.”

“Messy!” Han exclaims in exasperation. “Ben left a pissed-off fascist in his wake and has a price on his head. _ Messy _ doesn’t begin to describe it.” 

“Must be a Skywalker thing,” Rey suggests mildly. Han shoots her a look – it’s one of those  _ no-you-can’t-possibly-understand _ sort of looks. 

Rey shrugs. “I trained under Luke. Things had a way of…turning on their head, for him.” 

At that, Han laughs. He clasps Rey on the shoulder and guides her down the ramp. 

“Kid, you don’t know the half of it.” 

* * *

The first thing Rey does is seek him out.

He’s not hard to find– he’s in his quarters, polishing the hilt of his saber. 

Rey frowns. She shouldn’t know that. It was a logical guess, sure, but there’s no way she should  _ know that. _

But when he opens his door, he has a saber in one hand and a cloth in the other. 

“Rey,” he greets, and his voice sounds breathless. “Come in.” 

As soon as the door shuts behind him, Rey says, “So it’s  _ you _ .” 

Ben doesn’t have to ask what she’s talking about. He sets his saber and the cloth down on his dresser. His room is neat, like all Jedi quarters, and some personal possessions are on the windowsill, the dresser, the nightstand. 

When he looks at her, his gaze is burning and familiar and perfect all at once.

“It’s me.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I love you. I'm going to actually try to respond to comments now, if there's any questions or thoughts you have. 
> 
> Just to clarify, the Jedi segment isn't necessarily a memory Rey is experiencing, it's just a narrative of the first time they meet.
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


	6. The Scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t remember– hell, I barely do– but everything that ever happens is some sort of clusterfuck or another. Must be a Skywalker thing.”
> 
> Luke, at least, is being helpful; Rey has had her fill of Skywalkers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter beta'd by the lovely KagamiSorciere. (Go check out her fic, "[PREYt](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5610664/chapters/12926704).")
> 
> Thank you all for your kind words and support<3 I'm super excited for where this fic is going, and I can't wait to share it with you.

Luke is at least being helpful. He’s trying, Rey realizes, but she’s overwhelmed. She wants, more than anything, to go back to a time before she was an Old Soul (patent pending), before she met Ben Solo–

Ah, but there it is. There was never a time before Ben Solo. 

Rey groans and slumps back against the chair she’s sitting in. “Is there any way to just ignore it?” she asks Luke. 

The man pauses. “I suppose there are ways you could induce amnesia. But Rey, you have a gift. The people you’ve known, the places you’ve been–“

“What triggers the memories anyway? How do you  _ know? _ I mean, it seems silly to me. You’re just a baby, and you know everything?” 

Luke laughs. “Your grandfather mentioned you were a scientist. No, it’s not like that. Your  _ mind _ isn’t recycled, your  _ soul _ is. The memories, for your grandfather and I, come at the age we were when you and Ben bound yourselves to one another. But we are never surprised by what happens. Old souls have a way of knowing. The two of us were already old souls when we became entangled in your cycle, so we have memories coming to us all throughout our lives. Our souls are ready to accept.” 

Rey stares at him. Luke is standing there, a few books in his hand. Barefoot, his stance is relaxed, and Rey cannot get over how utterly calm he is. He’s reminding her of her grandfather in that moment: collected and wise. 

“And this happens  _ every lifetime? _ ” 

“Not quite. There have been...hiccups, recently. It’s why you remember but Ben does not.” 

Rey inwardly cringes. It’s easy to forget that there’s another half to this, that  _ Ben _ is also involved, but he’s even more clueless than she is. 

“It’s why my nephew brought out your dormant memories. I believe, somewhere, there is a version of Ben who knows.” 

Rey frowns. “I don’t follow.” 

“There was an incident,” Luke explains. “Long ago. It caused bits of your souls to scatter around time and space.  _ You  _ are the core Rey, so to speak– somewhere, some _ when _ else, there is another Rey who does not remember. Just as we have a Ben that doesn’t remember, but somewhere, he does.” 

“I think I get it,” Rey tells him. She feels like she’s grasping at straws. “I- so there’s more of  _ me? _ ”

“So to speak. Not necessarily in this universe, or in this decade. You won’t run into yourself anywhere.”

Rey groans and buries her face in her hands, nausea rising. “I don’t want this.” 

“It can be a bit much,” Luke says gently. He touches her shoulder and passes her a worn journal. “I’ve taken to writing things down. Memories from different lifetimes.” 

The journal feels unnaturally heavy in her hands. Rey stares at Luke stunned. “You want me to have this?” 

“It’s about you. Everything I remembered is in there. You might find it helpful as your memories come back.” 

Rey swallows and runs her hands over it. The leather is sturdy and worn with age. 

“Is there,” he begins tentatively, “anything else you remember? About Padmé and Anakin? You were right- she did die in childbirth.”

She shuts her eyes at the names. Oh, she remembers; Anakin is a monster, mostly. “Other times it was you father who killed her,” Rey begins. “Most times he’s...not good. Sometimes he’s okay, but mostly he’s abusive, when he actually raises you. Manipulative. Scary.” It feels weird, damning a man she’s never even met, but everything she knows about the name  _ Anakin Skywalker _ points to an incredibly unstable man. “And your sister is worried that Ben will turn out like him- he’s sensitive and passionate, but has thrown violent tantrums, and one time hit his father-.” 

And suddenly Rey stops, horrified that she’s said that aloud. “How do I know that?” 

“It’s common knowledge for anybody who knows my family,” Luke says. His eyes are grim. “Anybody who knows Ben. And I daresay you know Ben best of all.” 

“I’m not sure if I want to,” Rey mutters. The memories feel distant, like she’s read them in a book, but they’re there just the same. “There are a lot of times where he’s a jerk.” She shakes her head. “Ah– sorry. This is a lot to take in.”

Luke is about to respond, but is interrupted by the sound of the screen door opening and then slamming shut. The library is on the first floor, and the door is open. 

Luke rises just as her grandfather enters the room. “Obi-Wan,” he greets warmly. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I was worried about Rey; she’s running late. The concussion had me worried.” 

He doesn’t seem angry, but there’s something that’s definitely in the realm of  _ displeased _ in the tone of his voice. 

“Sorry,” and Rey does her best to sound apologetic, “I got caught up talking to Luke.” 

“She remembers,” Luke tells Obi-Wan. “Rey was telling me how it started when she gave Ben his coffee.”

“I brushed against his hand giving him change,” Rey explains at her grandfather’s puzzled look. “And it…they all came back. I met him before. Not...before-before, but like, a few days ago. We hung out on the beach. I don’t know why I forgot it…” 

What happens next is perhaps more surprising than finding out she’s apparently retained the memories of several different lifetimes. Luke looks truly, thoroughly,  _ pissed off. _

“And why, Obi-Wan,” Luke says, his smile too-wide, “Would she forget?”

Rey frowns. She wants to say something, to diffuse the sudden tension, to remind them that,  _ hey, I remember now, can we just try to sort this out? _  There’s a tension in the air, one she desperately wants to break.

No such luck.

“Because I made her forget,” Obi-Wan says. He doesn’t even have the grace to look chastised. He turns to Rey. “There is a great disturbance every time your memories come back. It always distresses you. I do my best to alleviate it.” 

“The tea,” Rey realizes. She rounds on her grandfather. “You  _ drugged _ me!” 

“It was that or watch you crumble under memories you weren’t prepared to process,” he says. “It wasn’t a hard decision, Rey. Your soul is fractured, and we don’t know why. I have half a mind to make you the tea now, in fact.” 

Rey bares her teeth, is about ready to tell her grandfather  _ where _ he can shove his tea, but Luke cuts in, “She is much more whole than you or I had realized. She remembered Padmé just from looking at a picture.” 

“But Ben doesn’t know.” 

“My nephew remains ignorant, yes.” 

Rey exhales. “I don’t think so. He looked just as surprised as I did, before I passed out. If you,” she says, pointing an accusatory finger at her grandfather, “really wanted to protect me, you’d have kept him away. That’s what changed everything. When we touched.” 

She doesn’t mention Ben kissing her on the beach, doesn’t mention any of her dreams. There’s something about that that feels private, and besides, she doesn’t have romantic feelings for this Ben. Maybe she had, in some other lifetime– it certainly had seemed like it in her dream– but not now.  It was too fucking weird. 

“Ben hasn’t brought up anything,” Luke says, slowly. 

“We shouldn’t tell him,” her grandfather says. “Not yet. Not until we figure out what’s going on with Rey.”

Rey narrows her eyes. “So what, you going to drug me again?” 

“Rey,” and there’s something very, very serious in her grandfather’s tone, “When either of you remember it triggers a great disturbance in the Force. Sometimes that disturbance spells danger for the two of you.” 

“And you know this how?” 

“You haven’t survived past twenty-five in your most recent lifetimes. Either of you. And the bad things always begin when you remember.” 

Rey starts to open her mouth before shutting it again. “Oh,” she says flatly. 

Luke clears his throat. “That being said, it would be best if Ben remains…ignorant, for the time being. At least until we can sort things out.” 

Rey doesn’t ask how they plan to figure it out, doesn’t ask how they know. She feels surrounded by the sort of silence that often accompanies being faced with your inevitable death. She wants to let the adults handle it. She wants to wake up tomorrow and have it all be a dream. 

“I think,” Rey says, standing, “I’m going to go. I’m tired.” 

Her grandfather nods. “Call me when you get home, Rey. I’m going to stay and talk with Luke.” 

“Yeah,” Rey says. “Er, good night.” 

“Good night, Rey.” 

* * *

Ben waits by the staircase.

He’s heard most of the conversation,  _ definitely _ heard the part about  _ not surviving past twenty-five, _ how his uncle wants him to  _ remain in the dark _ , and it’s too much. So Ben waits and intercepts Rey as she leaves. With a silent jerk of his head, he beckons for her to follow him. 

She looks tired, and hesitant, but ultimately does. Ben thinks he wouldn’t blame her if she just walked out of the house, but things are too fucking weird for him to let sleeping dogs lie. 

His room is on the third floor and it’s relatively clean. His bed is by the windows, unmade, and his desk in the opposite corner housing his laptop and old coffee mugs. Thankfully, it doesn’t smell bad. The colors of the walls remind Rey of something belonging more in a shore-house than an old neighborhood, all whites and blues with wicker furniture scattered here and there. 

He shuts the door behind him and exhales. Rey’s attention gets caught up by an oil painting of a lighthouse while she worries her lip with a frown.  

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing he says to her. Her attention breaks and she turns to him. “About your concussion. About all of this.” 

Rey sinks into the chair at his desk and starts  _ laughing. _ “What even  _ is _ this? I’m– your uncle just told me I’d be  _ dead by twenty-five _ and that apparently I’m an ‘old soul’ and there’s some sort of celestial bounty on my head and–“ she cuts herself off and catches Ben’s eye. “Sorry, it’s not funny. It’s just...this is  _ so typical.” _

Ben frowns. “Uh... what?”

Rey exhales, cracking her knuckles. “You don’t remember– hell, I barely do– but everything that  _ ever _ happens is some sort of clusterfuck or another. Must be a Skywalker thing.” 

Ben gapes at her for a moment before closing his mouth shut. What she’d just said,  _ how _ she said it, was  _ exactly what is father said.  _ Exactly  _ how _ his father had said it. He sits on the edge of his bed.  _ Unbelievable.  _

“Jesus,” he says under his breath. She has no way of knowing his father. He was certain. And the things he’d overheard were beginning to add up. “You think…you really think what they’re saying is real?” 

Rey nods. “I do.”

“And they don’t want to tell me.” Ben wants to be surprised, but he isn’t. This situation, like many others in his life, is following the trend of the adults around him not acting like adults. “I overheard them talking, you know. The day we worked on your roof. They think I’m, I dunno, dangerous or something.” 

“Too much Anakin,” Rey says, and a second later looks surprised at having said that. She frowns, but continues. “Your grandfather...he’s never really the greatest guy. You’re a lot like him.” 

Ben scowls. He’s heard that one before. 

“Oh, don’t look like that,” Rey says, and Ben can’t believe how flippant she is. “You’re  _ passionate. _ On its own it’s not a bad thing.” 

She’s regarding him now, looking at him with a curious, old look in her eyes, and Ben feels small and lost under her gaze. “How do you know that? About me. About Anakin?” 

She shrugs, looking utterly resigned. “Things are...coming back to me. They’re distant, sort of like I’ve read them in a book? But they’re there. I just  _ know.” _

“Oh,” Ben says, and it sounds small and young even to his ears. There’s a moment where they’re both quiet, staring at each other. 

The thing is, Rey is utterly  _ average. _ From her build to her height to her hair and eye color, there’s nothing particularly striking about her, he thinks. Weren’t people who precipitated a massive change in your life supposed to have two different colored eyes, or be otherworldly beautiful, or something? Rey was cute, sure, and looked open and warm and friendly, but he would have expected more from someone who would bring such a change with them. 

He had a sneaking suspicion she felt the same way about him. 

Rey sighs, a sound that’s both familiar and new. “Worrying won’t help.” 

“What don’t they want me to know?”  

Rey shrugs. “It seemed that they didn’t want you to know that we were old souls who’ve been around the sun a few times. Apparently when we meet– and don’t ask me how they know, but they do– it pisses off some sort of thing called the Force, whatever that is, and we wind up dead _. _ ” 

Ben feels sick and angry in equal measures. “That’s ridiculous. That’s bullshit. That’s more hokey than anything Uncle Luke or my mom or Aunt Maz has  _ ever _ thrown at me.” 

And Aunt Maz ran one of those new-age shops and did psychic readings for a living. She’s thrown a  _ lot  _ of hokey at him. 

Rey sighs, and it carries with it all the resignation in the world. “Search your feelings, Ben. Do you really think it’s untrue?” 

If Ben were being honest, he believed her. If he were being even more honest, he’d believe anything she said in the world. 

And it terrifies him. 

* * *

A furious Kylo Ren paces around Starkiller, saber unsheathed and leaving wrecked bits of the base in his wake. Everything that he’s worked for is about to come undone because of that  _ kriffing girl. _

A part of him, however– the part that’s still  _ him, _ in his soul– swells with pride. He’s proud that Rey’s learning quickly, she’s always been good with the Force and so-called Jedi mind tricks, but he’s irritated that she’s making things  _ so difficult. _

_ She wouldn’t be Rey if it were easy, _ something in the back of his mind reminds him. He shoves it away. He’s not asking for  _ easy, _ he’s asking for  _ manageable. _ He’s the right hand to the most powerful being in the galaxy– you’d think he’d already have found a way to fix things. 

Ever since he had reached too high and flown too close to the sun, the wax wings melting, their souls had been shattered and bits and pieces flung across time and space, existing and co-existing. Kylo Ren remembers– his soul was the most intact. But Rey... Rey did not.  _ This _ Rey is a mere figment of the true soul of  _ his _ Rey, merely a piece of the puzzle. 

But still, she was a piece he needed.

_ A piece he needed that managed to escape. _ She wouldn’t last long off the base.

He’ll bring her back come hell or high water. He can be the villain– she can hate him, this time, if need be. 

What’s one lifetime compared to eternity? 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you'd think <3


	7. Ophelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard a Jedi AU ft. the Kylo Ren Pain Train

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the delay, I'm doing a study abroad in Rome so I've been sooooo busy. The artwork here is beautiful, but it's ridiculously hot (I actually heatstroked in Pompeii the other day, whoops...)
> 
> That being said, I hope you like the update :) I'm p excited for the Kylo Ren plot points, not gonna lie. S/o to these-are-the-first-steps on tumblr for beta'ing <3

Ben sits across from Rey, their knees a hair’s breadth from touching. They’re in a grassy patch in the shade of a tree, the sun low in the morning sky. She’s looking at him warily, the same way she always does before they do this.  


Ever since that day on the  _ Falcon, _ they’ve been trying to figure out exactly what the hell has been going on. It’s easier to remember, when he’s near her, that they knew each other long ago and that there’s a piece of her he carries around within him- that he  _ knew  _ Rey before she was  _ Rey  _ eons ago. 

And that they’ve found each other. 

Of course, this newfound  _ thing _ has been useful– they’re awfully in sync when it comes to battle, able to read each other’s intentions before it even happens. 

But recently…

Ben will sometimes get feelings that aren’t entirely  _ his. _ He’s experienced a sensitivity to others around him since he was young, but this is different. He can  _ feel it. _ The first time it happened it was a surge, or white-hot anger and shame, overtaking him out of nowhere. Later he’d found out that Rey’d been groped by a Senator on Naboo, that she’d responded in a decidedly un-Jedi-like fashion. Ben could sympathize, but he’d still rather not feel things that weren’t  _ his _ if he didn’t have to. 

“I guess we should meditate,” Rey says, drawing him out of his thoughts. She’s sitting ramrod-stiff, shoulders and spine tenses enough to remind him of an iron pillar. 

She looks about as nervous as Ben feels.

“Yeah,” Ben says. 

“I still can’t get…whatever it is out,” and Rey sounds apologetic. “I can’t… _ remove _ myself from you.” 

“I don’t think it’s possible,” he says. “Don’t be sorry. We just...need to see if we can manage what goes back and forth.”

“I’ve been reading,” Rey says, “and I can’t find anything quite like it. There’s been some written about Force bonds, but it’s not the Force that’s doing this…”

“No,” Ben agrees, “It’s not.”

Really, he didn’t mind his soul– and he could only admit it in the private of his mind that that was what it was, their  _ souls _ – was melded with Rey’s. She felt like home, like a warm blanket, like the sunshine on his face. Being around her brought him immense comfort, made him feel at peace. 

But there were some things that did  _ not _ need to go across the bond.

(Like the time he’d been masturbating and she’d confronted him, red in the face and flustered, demanding he keep those  _ nasty thoughts to himself... _ )

(Like the time she’d been crying on Family Day, because she was alone, and even though Ben’s parents were busy he knew they were  _ there _ and they  _ loved him _ even though they always didn’t love each other...)

(Like the time he’d been injured while teaching a padawan a more advanced saber technique and Rey had dropped to the ground, screaming...)

Rey’s looking at him curiously. “Why are you thinking of the time I felt your pain?” 

Ben’s surprised. “It’s things like that we’re trying to prevent. I think we can use the Force to, effectively, shut each other out.” 

They slip into meditation, breathing in sync. Ben reaches out to her– it’s practically second nature at this point to sense him- and she reciprocates.

It is as if something lying dormant inside of him comes to life, quickened by Rey’s essence. He feels powerful, so utterly full, so  _ whole, _ and he could not stop the connection if he wanted to. There is a piece of Rey inside of him, just as there is a piece of him inside of her, and they are drawn to each other, and they are  _ one, _ just as they used to be.  

_ I can’t find where I end and he begins, _ and the thought is not his own, it’s from Rey, panicked and desperate. 

_ Put your barriers up, _ he thinks. He can feel her surprise at hearing him but she complies. Rey has some of the strongest mental fortitude of all the Jedi at the Academy– if she can’t keep him out, Ben isn’t sure  _ what _ they’ll be able to do. 

The sensation recedes, but he can still feel her presence in the back of his skull. 

_ I think it’s better, _ Rey thinks at him. The thought is clipped, airtight, as if she were afraid of something else slipping through. 

Ben reaches out and prods, but he can’t sense anything Rey won’t let him. 

“Good,” he says aloud. “I’ll do the same. It should work fine.” 

Rey looks exhausted from the effort and doesn’t seem to share his optimism. 

“Hopefully this gets easier with practice,” she mutters. Ben arches an eyebrow, and in response Rey lifts the iron-clad barrier, just a bit, just enough, and everything hits him full-force. 

Ben shuts himself off to it, surprised at the sheer amount of mental energy it took.

He is also surprised at how much it ached for him to do so. Deep inside of him, something rebels at being separated from Rey. He does his best to quell it, clearing his throat. 

“Tomorrow?” he asks, standing and offering Rey a hand up. 

Rey eyes his hand as if it could bite her, and Ben retracts it, knowing very well that it  _ could. _

“Tomorrow,” Rey says, getting up on her own.

* * *

Ben Solo is in love with Rey Kenobi. 

It’s been months since they’d figured out they were, well, whatever they were, and it hit him suddenly, unexpectedly, like a punch to the gut. He’s never been in love before- not many opportunity for  _ love _ present itself to the Jedi for one, and he’s not exactly sure he wants to deal with pesky emotions for two– but lo and behold, here he is. 

It happened like this: 

Ben and Rey have taken to being in each other’s company. They have a secret that nobody else could possibly understand, and it’s comforting to share that burden with another person. Due to their mental link, they make excellent battle partners– something that hasn’t been lost on Grandmaster Luke– so they’ve been assigned mission upon mission together over the past six months. 

And, all that aside, Rey is  _ fun. _

Moments before that traitorous thought hit him, Rey was telling a story of misadventure in Coruscant, and as he made some witty comment she threw her head back and laughed and the sun caught the gleam in her eyes just right…

He had to stop himself from saying it aloud.

And now Ben is piloting the  _ Falcon, _ going for a fly and trying to clear his mind. 

It’s not working–  _ she’s _ on his mind. 

They’ve found ways to cope with their link. It cannot be severed, and Ben doesn’t think he’d want it to be at this point. If he keeps his mental shields up, and Rey does the same, then the transfer of thoughts is stopped. They will always be able to sense each other, and sometimes little tastes of small emotions peek through, but Rey is no longer inside of his head. 

No, now she’s managed to worm her way into his  _ heart _ . 

He keeps his mental barriers tighter than ever, refusing to face the embarrassment of Rey discovering his feelings. There’s something weird about developing  _ feelings _ for someone who’s linked to your soul, but here he is, Ben fucking Solo, crushing on his...his...

His what? 

She is an official Jedi Knight, with an excellent grip on the Force; she is an orphan, a former scavenger; she is curious, and interesting, and beautiful…

She isn’t his apprentice, had trained in her padawan years under his uncle. She’s the granddaughter of Luke’s old Master and their families have been intertwined for generations. 

They’re friends, Ben is sure of that. She seeks out his company almost as much as he seeks out hers. But sometimes, the urge is there to brush the curls that escape her updo away from her face, to put his arms around her, to hold her late at night, feel her heartbeat against his…

Ben shoves the thoughts away and jerks the  _ Falcon _ starboard, narrowly avoiding a stray asteroid. He’d have to warn Uncle Luke about that later, maybe give the younglings some target practice destroying it, and set the coordinates for home. 

He needs to talk to his mother. 

* * *

Kylo Ren has killed Han Solo.  


Deep down, underneath the cloak of darkness he’s wrapped himself in for over a decade, he’s sorry. Han is a good man (even when he’s not a good father) and didn’t deserve it. For a moment, he’d thought about asking his father for help– perhaps the man has dormant memories that can be revived, perhaps his father could help him find Rey– but ultimately, he runs his saber through the man’s chest.

He’ll see Han again, and if the look his father gave him before he fell into the chasm told him anything, Han knows it too. There’s a part of Kylo Ren, a part that genuinely scares him, that gets sadistic pleasure from seeing his father die.  

Rey and FN-2187 have fled. They’re easy enough to track down– the former Stormtrooper has a strong presence, and he’d know Rey’s signature anywhere. 

He heads them off, approaching them as they run. This is a last-ditch effort, he knows, but he has to try. She’s right there, in his grasp. He’s seen into her mind, the loneliness, the desperation, but also the  _ hope. _ Why would a scavenger orphan hold onto such hope, if not to be inspired by secret memories of better lives? 

The first thing she does is unsheathe the saber–  _ Anakin’s saber _ . 

Kylo Ren reaches out with the Force only to jolt it away– he has no wish to spar with her– but he can feel Snoke’s influence. The Supreme Leader has been watching, and he is displeased with Kylo’s distraction. 

Snoke takes hold of Kylo and Rey is thrown backwards into a tree, landing with a dull thud. 

Kylo Ren stares in horror at what he has done. 

_ “Rey!” _ FN-2187 calls, rushing to her aid. 

_ “TRAITOR,” _ Kylo Ren calls out, loud enough for Snoke to hear him. They’d had an agreement but Snoke had intervened, and Rey could be  _ dead… _

FN-2187 picks up Anakin’s saber and fixes Kylo with a look that could kill. 

And Kylo Ren has no choice but to engage. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think :) I'm gonna try and fit another update in while I'm away.


	8. Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben discuss what they heard; meanwhile, millennia and light-years away, Ben Solo struggles with a Dark sider and Rey comes to his rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the Halsey song. 
> 
> Thank you all for your kind words and support <3

That night, after she’s told Ben everything and gone back home, slinking in through the back door to avoid her grandfather, Rey dreams. 

The man who appears in her dreams isn’t the Ben Solo she knows; he’s older, paler, and altogether more massive, hulking shoulders and thick core. His face is the same– crooked nose, fine jaw, dark eyes that light up when he sees her.

They’re in a corridor of a ship, Rey recognizes that much. Everything around her is mechanical-looking and chrome. The man before her is dressed in black robes and has a scar running down his face. 

“Which one?” he says, and he sounds so utterly defeated that Rey cannot help but pity him. “Which one are you this time?” 

Rey’s confused – she’s so, so confused that her Ben would sound like this. She walks forward and puts a finger on the scar, tracing it from his forehead, down his tear duct, over his lip. “This is new,” she murmurs, almost to herself. She looks up at him. His eyes are yellowing around the pupils. “So are these,” and she taps his temple next to his eye.  _ Darksider eyes,  _ she thinks to herself. “What happened to you, Ben?”

His hands come up and clasp hers, hold them to his chest. He bows his head, touching his forehead to hers. “Nothing,” he whispers. “Nothing at all.”

Deep inside of her, Rey knows it’s bullshit; he’s lying to spare her feelings, to spare her soul. Rey stands on her tiptoes and kisses him, just a brush of her lips against his. “Liar,” she says, settling back down on the balls of her feet. She untangles her hands from his and wraps her arms around his midsection. He’s broader than she remembers, more muscular than the Ben she knows, but it’s still  _ her _ Ben, yellow eyes or no. 

His arms come around her in a desperate, vice-like grip. “I’m so sorry, Rey,” he sobs. Rey feels like she’s comforting a giant; he nearly collapses against her, gripping her so tight she thinks she might bruise. But still, with her head against his chest, the beating of his heart spells out  _ home, home, home. _

“Don’t be,” Rey says, rubbing circles on his back. “It’s okay, Ben. It’s okay.” 

He gives a bitter half-laugh. “Nobody’s called me that in a long time, Sunshine.” 

Rey feels a lump in her throat form at the old pet name. “Where are you?”  _ When will you come back to me? _

He kisses the top of her head, says, “The Taurean Age,” he tells her. “Light years and millennia away.” 

Rey feels her heart ache. “Come home,” she tells him. She takes a step back and looks up to him, into his yellow eyes, knowing that  _ her Ben _ is in there somewhere. “Please, come home to me.” 

“I’m trying,” he tells her. His face is streaked with tears. “I’m trying.” 

Rey knows he would destroy the very stars themselves to find her; she knows she would do the same, if she knew how. “I can’t remember all the time,” she tells him. “I don’t want to forget you. I forgot you, where you are, didn’t I?” 

“You won’t,” he tells her, voice so fervent that Rey believes him. “You’re the most whole of all of the fragments, Rey. I split our souls, and I promise you I’ll fix it. I’ll do whatever it takes. It’s not your fault you don’t remember, I-” His yellow eyes flash, his grip on her biceps tightens. He leans down and kisses her with such vigor that Rey knows her lips will bruise in the morning. She doesn’t care, and kisses him back with abandon. “I will rip apart the stars to find you,” he whispers. 

“Be careful, Ben,” she tells him, hand cupping his cheek. He leans into her touch, eyes fluttering shut. He tilts his head and kisses her palm. 

“You know I’m not good at that.” 

“Humor me,” she says, tears pricking at her own eyes. “I’d like to see you in once piece.” 

“For you,” he tells her, and that’s when her own tears fall. “Anything for you.” 

“Find me when you can,” she tells him, kissing him. “I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

Ben does his best to pretend that everything is normal, but it’s taking a toll on him

Rey still goes to her shift at work, once her concussion is healed; Ben acts as if he doesn’t know his uncle is keeping a massive secret from him as they drive around the seaside town, fixing old houses. It’s exhausting to keep up the façade, but Ben tries. 

He sees Rey when he can; usually they retreat to the boardwalk or the beach, and do their best to sort things out. 

Rey has a journal, one his uncle gave her. They’re supposed to look over it today, but she’s late. 

It’s five in the afternoon, and the beach is mostly empty. Ben sits on the sand, waiting for Rey. She said she’d be there at four-thirty; he has half a mind to text her, to ask her where she is, but he doesn’t want to bother her, to intrude on her life any more than he already has. 

But then there she is, jogging towards him, messenger bag thumping against her thigh. “Sorry,” she huffs, when she’s in ear shot. “I was four blocks down.” 

She sits next to him, legs crossed, and takes his uncle’s journal into her lap. “I– I haven’t gone through it.” A muscle in her jaw twitches, her eyes are downcast. 

“Anything in there would mean more to you than me,” he tells her. “You’re the one who can remember.” 

It’s so bizarre, it’s so  _ dumb, _ but here they are, on a beach, sand getting everywhere, trying to discuss– well, what were they trying to fix? 

Right– the whole dead-by-twenty-five thing. Ben had been counting on having more than five years to live. 

Rey shrugs. “Only sometimes. Stupid things, too.” 

But he’s curious. He’s beyond curious. “Like what?” 

There’s a flicker of hesitation, and Ben has the feeling that Rey isn’t telling him something. “Like….your eyes used to be yellow, and your mother was royalty, and I grew up in a desert. Dumb things that don’t make sense.” 

Well, none of it means anything to him. His eyes are decidedly brown and his mother is a lawyer. “Didn’t you already grow up in a desert?” 

Rey shakes her head. “No, it was different.” 

_ Oh. _

Ben runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Should we see what’s there then?” 

Rey cracks it open, gingerly, and Ben half expects a beam of light to shoot out of the open pages when she does. But no, it’s very anticlimactic. He peers over her shoulder, careful not to touch her, and squints at his uncle’s cramped writing. 

A pit forms in his stomach. The first page is just a columns of dates and names, birth dates and death dates, for a variety of people. Some of the names are familiar–  _ Padme  _ and  _ Anakin _ , for one– but then there’s others:  _ Darth Vader, Kylo Ren, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Rey, Ben… _

A pit in his stomach forms when he sees his father’s name. 

And that’s the first several pages, all cumulating with the same cycle of names:  _ Anakin  _ and  _ Padme _ are dead; Luke, Obi-Wan, Ben, Rey, and his parents are alive. The names  _ Kylo Ren _ and  _ Darth Vader _ don’t appear. 

“I guess that’s the most recent one,” Rey says. She flips back a page, frowning. “He’s right, though. Our life spans have gotten shorter, sometime in the…Age of Aries, I think.” 

_ Age of what now? _ Ben thinks, but he doesn’t interrupt her. “That was after you... that’s when things got wonky.” 

Ben frowns. He didn’t miss her slip up. “What did I do?” 

Rey worries her bottom lip. She turns to look at him, and there’s something almost  _ pitying _ in her eyes. “You tried to make us immortal. The ritual is what caused our souls to shatter.” There is no intent to place blame, no malice in her words, but Ben feels stung nonetheless. 

Even in different lifetimes, he’s a fuckup. 

He swallows. “Oh,” he frowns. “How do you know that?” 

A blush rises high on her cheeks. “I’ve been...there are...it’s weird.” 

“This whole  _ thing _ is weird. I don’t think you’ll be able to phase me.” 

Her eyes don’t leave his. “I’ve been having dreams. You– some version of you– keeps appearing. Keeps telling me that he’s trying to fix it. I guess that’s the one who remembers.” 

Well. It  _ is _ weird. Something about it makes him feel funky, off. There’s something incredibly disconcerting about there being  _ another you _ visiting your fellow old soul in her dreams, making overarching promises that Ben isn’t entirely sure of. 

His face must’ve given it away, because Rey grimaces. “I told you, it’s weird.” 

“What am I like?” 

The question is out before Ben can stop it. Rey’s eyes widen, and her blush comes back, going all the way from the tips of her ears down to her collarbones. “Older, mostly. Dramatic,” she laughs slightly, but then her brow furrows. “Tired.” 

“Dream me needs to step up his game,” Ben mutters. To his surprise, Rey gives a proper laugh at that. “You look mostly the same, if that’s what you mean.” 

“… _ mostly _ ?” 

Rey shrugs. “You seemed taller.” 

“I am literally head and shoulders taller than you  _ already _ .”

“Well, you  _ were _ wearing these giant boots, maybe they had something to do with it.” She’s grinning at him, and Ben can’t help but roll his eyes in response. 

Right–  _ this _ is why he liked Rey in the first place. Easy smile, sharp sense of humor. 

The universe just had to go and fuck that up for him. 

Rey jerks her gaze away, back to the journal in her lap. “So, I guess we should get to it?”

Ben’s still looking at her. “Yeah,” he says, “I guess so.” 

* * *

Ben is in trouble. 

Rey knows this surely as she knows her own name. It hits her as she’s flying through hyperspace, back to Ach-To; there is something very old, and very dark, and it’s consuming a very scared Ben. 

Rey frowns, trying to concentrate on it, on  _ him. _ She holds the arm rests in a white-knuckled grip, powering through the overwhelming nausea–  _ Ben’s _ nausea. Whatever is happening...whatever’s happened to him it’s  _ not good. _

_ Come on, _ she thinks,  _ open up… _

There’s a small trickle, just a taste, and Rey feels the nausea increase tenfold. The same darkness that had surrounded him when they made the kyber crystal run– it was there, it was  _ worse, _ and it was causing  _ madness, madness, madness. _

She can barely– just barely– pinpoint his location through the malevolence. He’s in the Unknown Regions, somewhere incredibly old and incredibly dark, and–

Numbers appear in her mind’s eye unbidden. For a hot second, Rey’s confused before it clicks: coordinates, that beautiful bastard sent her  _ coordinates. _ Perfect. 

_ Careful, Rey. Please. _ The thought is weak, but it’s there, more a sentiment than words. 

Rey stops herself. If Ben– one of the most powerful Jedi at the Temple- has managed to be captured, to be subdued, she’ll need help. She could ask Luke, or maybe even his mother– she’s a senator, right? But no, that would  _ tank _ his reputation. Whatever had Ben in its clutches, whatever was causing him pain, was so, so  _ Dark, _ and there was enough discontent at Ben being a Jedi after everything with Vader…

_ Especially after that Kyber crystal run… _ Rey shudders at thinking how  _ Dark _ the power Ben had wielded was. That paled in comparison to what she felt now. 

_ Han. _

It’s her only choice. She needs to get to Ben now and doesn’t have the time to deal with deliberation and decisions. Hopefully the smuggler can drop whatever he’s doing– hopefully it isn’t too important. 

Rey waits with baited breath, tapping her fingers impatiently against her thigh. She has her saber with her, and she’s one of the stronger Jedi at the Temple. With Han’s piloting skills and Chewie’s shot with a blaster, they should be good, right? 

_ But then again, _ she thinks,  _ if this thing got Ben…and Ben can beat me five times out of ten… _

She shoves the thought away. She knows what she’s up against– she can keep her mental barriers up and refuse to let the Dark in. 

Han answers her transmission within minutes, giving her coordinates where to meet him.

Rey sighs with relief.  _ We’re coming, _ she sends to Ben, but she doubts he can hear her through the madness that’s consuming him. Rey pulls away as from him as much as she can and anchors herself. She’ll need a clear mind for this.

* * *

Rey’s on the  _ Falcon, _ X-wing parked at Han’s current hideaway. They’re in hyperspace, preparing to land in twenty minutes. 

“How do you know he’s in trouble?” Han asks, swiveling from the captain’s chair to face Rey where she stands in the cockpit. “And what do we need to prepare for?” 

Rey was surprised at how easily Han and Chewie agreed to help. She supposed her frantic plea might’ve had something to do with it, but now that they’re nearing the location Ben sent her, Han’s harping on details.

“Dark Side,” Rey tells him. “There’s something very Dark that has Ben. He’s– I felt it. Through the Force.” 

Chewie grunts; Han looks, of all things, worried. “Chewie’s right. Kid, usually when Jedi feel things through the Force, it’s when somebody dies.” 

Rey shakes her head. She knows, sure as her heart’s beating, that Ben’s alive. “I would know if he were dead.” 

Han heaves a sigh, but doesn’t press her. “Last time I brushed with the Dark side, I got frozen in carbonite.” 

Rey winces. “I’m not asking you to go in with me. This is an unsanctioned rescue. I just need a getaway ship.” 

Han waves her away, turning back to prep the ship for landing. “I survived being frozen in carbonite, kid. I’m coming in with you.” 

Rey nods. She wouldn’t argue with him, not now, not with his son’s life on the line. She tightens her grip on her saberstaff, shuts her eyes, and lets out a deep, steady breath. All of it has gone so quickly– she hasn’t even stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, this was reckless. 

But she doesn’t have the choice to go back now. Ben needs her.

* * *

The planet is swampy and humid, and the oppressive energy is so cloying that even Han and Chewie look uneasy. Rey steadies herself against it.

“They have him in a cave,” she says.  _ We’re here, Ben. Hold on. _

His response is faint, a warning, but Rey ignores it.  _ We’ve already come this far. _

They trudge on. They landed on a plateau, and Rey leads them across it. Ben’s at the base, she can feel it, feel the darkness, the malice, the  _ whatever _ that has warped him. 

They descend in silence, Rey leading and Chewie bringing up the rear. 

Rey paused at the mouth of the cave. Chewie made a small noise; Han shushed him. 

Rey shakes her head. “Chewie’s right. Stay back– I’ll call if I need you.” 

She activates her saber for light and steps inside the cave. The Dark is overwhelming here, suffocating, thick and oppressive. Rey takes a steadying breath and feels around with the Force, like Ben had taught her all those years ago. 

She senses him easily– in here it’s just Ben and the Darkness. Her saber doesn’t cast much light- just barely enough so that she doesn’t trip over the stalagmites and fissures in the cavern floor.

She can feel Ben; she’s getting closer, but he’s blurry around the edges, like she’s seeing him through water. Rey takes a step forward, then another, and then there’s a big, Dark, powerful _ something _ barreling into her chest, winding her. Rey stumbles, falls, and has to close her eyes to catch her breath and banish the whispers of Darkness against her mind. She doesn’t attack outright– she doesn’t want to anger this seemingly sentient Darkness. 

“Ben?” Rey asks when she catches her breath, hoping for an answer. There is none. “It’s me.”

_ Come toward me, _ Rey says, opening her mind just enough to speak to him. Her eyes are adjusting, just barely, and she can make out his silhouette as it shuffles forward. There’s something off, Rey can feel it; she steps backward towards the mouth of the cave, hoping she can lure him out and  _ away _ before whatever Darkness that was in here got to him. 

He’s approaching more quickly now, but still fuzzy, and Rey just  _ barely _ puts her saber up in time to block a would-be fatal blow. Ben’s in front of her, but it isn’t the Ben she knows; this Ben is manic, eyes wild and yellowing around the pupils, and  _ has a red saber. _

Rey puts all her might behind a blow to disarm him; it works, almost, but he calls his saber back into his hand seconds after. Rey takes her stance. “Ben.  _ Ben!”  _ she calls.

He gives her no answer; when she brushes her consciousness against his, there is a whisper against hers, a brush, then the floodgates open and the Darkness is flooding her senses before she can get her barriers up. 

It’s strong, it’s old, and it  _ wants her dead.  _

Rey falls to her knees. She’s suffocating from the inside out, eyes clouding. She’s on the brink, just barely hanging on, refusing to submit. She clutches her saber and shuts her eyes against the onslaught, and then she’s being dragged to her feet by her bicep and it’s gone. 

She opens her eyes. Ben is holding her to his side, eyes sallow, hand outstretched, creating a force field so strong that the malevolent entity can’t get through. His brow is strained in concentration and Rey thinks she’s covered in his blood. 

_ “GET OUT!”  _ he roars, and there’s one, final,  _ terrifying  _ onslaught – Rey can feel the tendrils of  _ evil _ snaking towards her, only to be deflected by the swirling energy Ben has coaxed into a protective blanket around them. 

They’re six yards from the mouth of the cave. Rey looks at Ben, who gives a sharp nod, and she reaches out her hand. She isn’t leaving without him.

_ Now! _ she says, and they start running, Ben clutching to her hand for dear life. The  _ thing _ is back, snapping at their heels. As they leave the cavern, Rey whirls around and sends a  _ blast _ of pure Light towards it, slowing it, sealing it inside the cave– at least for now. 

Next to her, Ben collapses. He’s picked up by Chewie in an instant, and Han ushers them back to the ship. Even he, probably the least Force-sensitive individual in the galaxy, looks shaken. 

Rey glances at Ben. His yellow eyes are gone, and she sees no trace of the angry red saber, but she’s worried. 

That Darkness had been  _ sentient;  _ it had taken over Ben’s mind, enough that he’d  _ attacked _ her. And something had to draw him out of it, but what? 

She’s brought out of her thoughts by Han clasping a hand to her shoulder. “You’re shaking, kid.” 

And she is. Rey looks down at her trembling hands, clasps them together. Her robes are bloodstained–  _ stained with Ben’s blood- _ and she feels sick at the thought. 

“Let’s get going,” Han says finally, steering her towards the  _ Falcon. _ “I don’t like this place, and you two need a hot meal.” 

Rey nods mutely and follows him, but the feeling of dread in her stomach won’t abate. She can still feel the Dark, can feel the anger, the promise for vengeance, coming from the cavern, and something deep inside of her knows that it isn’t done with Ben. Not yet. 


	9. The World Was Wide Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jedi aftermath, confused mortal nuggets, and Kylo Ren Pain Train.

**Chapter Nine**

Ben was with Chewie in the back, tending to his wounds; Rey sat in the copilot’s chair, trying to keep her eyes open. 

“So you knew, huh?” Han says, eyes trained in front of him. “You knew he was in trouble.” 

“Dark Side,” Rey says, mouth dry. “The Dark Side of the Force almost…”

There’s a beat of silence. Then, “I don’t think there’s a Dark Side and a Light side, kid. I think it’s what you do with it that matters, and the Force just  _ is _ .” 

Rey swallows but doesn’t argue. Han isn’t Force-sensitive- there’s no way to explain the sheer  _ malevolence _ of what she felt, how foreign and wrong and evil it had been.

“How did you know he needed us?” Han asks quietly, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. 

Rey hesitated. She’d been carrying the burden of their secret for so long that it would almost feel good to tell Han. “I just…know, I guess. Through the Force.” 

“The Force,” Han says, voice filled with contempt. “That was more than the Force, kid.” 

Rey hesitates; she doesn’t want to incriminate herself or Ben by divulging more information. 

Han’s eyes soften. “I’m not going to rat you out to Luke– he’s become a real stick in the mud after all this Jedi crap. I just…I want to know. He’s my son, and you somehow knew to save him.” 

Rey swallows. She likes Han, feels like she can trust him, if only a little. He  _ has _ stayed out of Jedi business, usually only doing favors of dubious legality for Luke. “I can…sense things, from him. Usually just wisps of things. Like when he’s angry, or phantom pain when he’s hurt. And when I felt…the Force- the pain- I knew it was him.” 

“Huh.” Han’s silent for a moment. “Is it a two-way connection?”

“If I allow it to be,” she replies. “We’re not really sure how it works, you know.”

He whistles under his breath and swivels in the captain’s chair to look at her. “That’s gotta be rough.” 

Rey frowns. “What do you mean?” 

Han arches a brow. “It’s gotta be rough to know what’s going on in your significant other’s head all the time– don’t you think?” 

Rey shakes her head. “It’s not like that. Ben’s not my…’significant other’.”

“Really,” Han says in a tone that makes Rey think he doesn’t believe her.  “Either way, kid, Ben’s smitten with you.” 

“It’s not like that,” she quietly protests.

The corner of his mouth quirks up at her and he hums to himself, but doesn’t press the issue further. Even so, the seed has been planted in Rey’s mind, and the entire way back she couldn’t help but think of  _ what if _ Ben felt… _ that way _ about her? He wasn’t supposed to. The Jedi might not have a vow of celibacy any longer, but there were still  _ rules. _ It was…dangerous, to be a Jedi and to harbor such feelings. Especially for a fellow Jedi. And how did Rey play into this? Sure, she  _ liked _ Ben, and had a distinct feeling of “home” around him, due to the old soul thing, but feelings?

Regardless of whether or not she liked him, it would be too  _ weird, _ wouldn’t it? To be with someone who can see into your innermost thoughts, just as Han had said? One uncharitable sentiment, one nasty thought gone astray, and you’d be pin-wheeling down a chasm into relationship hell. 

The violation of privacy wasn’t something Rey was sure she could deal with. 

Han sends her back to get some sleep; he says he’s taking them to Leia, to their house on Naboo. He doesn’t want anything to lead back to Luke. 

Rey trudges to the rear of the ship and Chewie takes her place as copilot. Ben’s on one of the bunks lying on his back. He’s feverish and pallid, his side gored by...by whatever that thing had been, and bandaged- bacta patches already in place. 

He opens his eyes as she approaches. Rey perches on a bunk across from him, the space between so narrow that her knees almost touch his mattress. “Hey,” she says with a small smile. “How are you feeling?”

“You came,” he murmurs. “I– Rey, you didn’t have to-“

Rey shakes her head. “Stop that. Of course I came– anyone would’ve. I just had the– I just knew.” 

“I tried to keep you out of it,” he tells her. He shifts into a sitting position, wincing as he does so. He swings his knees over the edge of the mattress, so close he’s almost touching her. “I think I broke a few ribs.” 

“Yeah, I felt it.” As soon as she said the words, Rey wishes she could take them back– Ben looks beyond guilty. But she plows on. Whatever had gotten hold of him…

“Do you know how you wound up in the cave?” 

Ben casts his eyes away, and was it a trick of the light or did they have a gold tinge to them around the pupils? “You won’t believe me if I told you.” 

“I believe that I saw a sentient  _ Darkness,  _ and I believe that that Darkness tried to get you to kill me. Today can’t get much weirder, Ben.” 

“I tried to keep you out of it,” he repeats. “I– it was like I didn’t have control of my body.” He’s speaking quietly, too quietly for Chewie or Han to hear, and he looks young and scared. “It wanted you dead.” 

Rey purses her lips. She’d figured as much. “But you…you saved me.”

“I wasn’t going to let it kill you.” 

“It was the same dark thing. From the crystal run.” 

He’s quiet, “I know.” 

“You had a red saber.” 

“The thing…it used me to make one.” 

Rey grits her teeth in frustration. Getting information out of him is like pulling teeth. Her better judgement is telling her to go to Luke, and she absolutely should. One of their strongest Jedi Masters had been overtaken by something very old, and very Dark, and this was the second time it had happened. 

“How did you break free of it?” Rey asks. She thinks she knows the answer. She’s almost sure that she herself played a part in it, but she wants to hear it from him. 

He looks at her, and his eyes are incredibly sad. He lifts a hand, as if to touch her face, but stops himself. “I…I felt you suffer, Rey. And I didn’t want to let that happen.” 

Rey swallows thickly. His eyes were expressive, and he’s either he’s too exhausted to mind his end of the bond, or he doesn’t care to, and maybe  _ this _ is what Han meant when he said Ben was smitten. 

“Okay,” she says.

“I mean it,” he says emphatically. “I won’t let it. Whatever happens to me, Rey, I’ll keep you from it.” 

Rey shakes her head. “I wish you’d tell me. It doesn’t have to happen, you know. You realize this isn’t some inevitable thing? We can find a way to stop it. Your dad’s concerned. I am too, Ben.”

He doesn’t meet her eyes until she squeezes his hand. The familiar jolt of energy is welcome; it reassures Rey that Ben is  _ here, _ and  _ alive. _ “You don’t have to do this alone.” 

And Ben– he leans forward and wraps Rey in a tight hug, clutching her to his chest. 

“Thank you,” he says against her hair. His voice cracks; Rey rubs circles on his back, trying to comfort him. Whatever had sunk its claws into his head…Rey shivers at the idea of it. 

“Of course,” Rey murmurs. She feels Ben sigh against her, can hear his heartbeat. She isn’t sure– she has no way of confirming– but she thinks she feels Ben press his lips to the top of her head. 

But her face is buried in his chest. She has no way of being sure it happened. 

Rey pulls away at the sound of Han clearing his throat several feet away and she can’t help but feel a tad guilty as if him walking in on them just confirmed Han’s theory of Ben being ‘ _ smitten’ _ . This just isn’t how  _ Jedi _ behave. Even though they, on all counts, hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“We’re about to land,” Han says, as if he hadn’t interrupted an intimate moment. “On Naboo.”

“Naboo?” Ben asks, arms dropping to his sides. “Why Naboo?” 

Han suppresses a grin. “Your mother’s been asking about you.” 

With that he turned around, giving instructions to Chewbacca along the way. 

* * *

Ben and Rey walk along the boardwalk as the sun set. They’d gone over the contents of the journal and Rey is left with  _ more _ questions. She suspects Ben has some, too.

“Do we just have to accept the inevitable?” Ben asks. 

Rey wonders the same. She has a thought– and it’s a long shot– but she figures she might as well tell Ben her idea. 

“I might be able to…talk to you. The other you, when I dream. You-he- keeps promising that he’ll make everything right. Maybe he’ll have an idea.”

“I guess,” Ben says. He doesn’t sound too hopeful. “I’d rather not talk to my uncle about this, but I guess that’s the only other option aside from that version of me in your dreams.” 

They came upon the intersection where they’d split. Luke’s house was in one direction, Obi-Wan’s in another.

Rey clutched the journal to her chest. “I’ll go over it again, see if it triggers any more memories. I’ll text you tomorrow?” 

Ben raises an eyebrow. “I can walk you home, you know.” 

Rey shrugs, feels her face go hot. “Okay,” she says. 

They walk down the quiet Jersey streets in a comfortable silence accompanied by the chirping of crickets. If it weren’t for the ominous pressure of her impending early death, Rey would’ve found it peaceful. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben says out of the blue. 

“For what?” she asks, turning to him. “I’m just as guilty in this as you are.” 

Ben shakes his head. “This whole thing...it’s just...it’s unbelievable. I feel like I keep saying that, but...it  _ is.” _

“It’s a lot to take in.” Rey bites her lip, unsure of what to say. Any chance at a casual friendship between herself and Ben had been shattered, completely thrown away after finding out the truth of their origin. 

“No kidding,” Ben mutters. He heaves a sigh. 

Rey stops in front of her grandfather’s house, hesitant to just leave. She looks up at Ben and his eyes are troubled, dark circles underneath them. He’s about as torn up over this as Rey is, it seems. “I’ll talk to my uncle tonight. Let me know how your dreams go.” 

“Yeah,” Rey says. She offers a smile, but she thinks it comes out more as a grimace. 

“Yeah. We should probably…talk, the four of us. Even with the journal, I’m still a little lost.” Ben rubs the back of his neck, heaving a sigh. 

“You and me both,” Rey says. “I’ll…talk to you tomorrow, I guess?” 

“Yeah,” Ben says. “Night, Rey.”

“Good night.” 

* * *

Kylo Ren curses and smashes his fists against the transmitter.

There is something blocking her from him. Something incredibly old and incredibly powerful. The block had slipped, briefly, but now it was back up and he couldn’t pinpoint where she was in time and space. 

He curses again.  _ Focus.  _ He needs to meditate. He visited her in her dreams before– perhaps he can do it again. The last time, though…

She’d appeared to  _ him. _ Completely unbidden. She was a solid form in his ship, not spectral. And he’d been  _ awake. _

_ She must be a strong fragment. Stronger than the rest. _

He’s exhausted, thoroughly exhausted. The Supreme Leader was working him to the bone, and hiding his true intentions from Snoke was becoming more and more difficult as he was pushed in his training. It was excruciating, a huge blow to his pride to submit to the creature. He had been a  _ god _ in another lifetime- and Rey…

How humbling it must be, to be a scavenger when she had once been one of the divine.

It would be easy, so easy, if he had this lifetime’s Rey. It would be a piece, a small but tangible piece, that would make locating the rest of her fragments so much easier.

But now…

Kylo Ren heaves a breath. He will try to locate Rey-  _ his  _ Rey- one last time. Perhaps it will work now that she can appear to  _ him. _

He sits in his command chair and exhales, shutting his eyes. He  _ will _ find her. 

He’ll make it right. 

Even if it kills him. 

 


End file.
